It's Wednesday.  I'm a bit tapped for this week if I am going to be honest.  Addy started on the monitor at five am this morning and I woke up realizing I was in the exact same position that I fell asleep in last night, I didn't even get up to pee. 

That being said, this summer is sweet and full of hope and life and joy.  I have been struggling, struggling in a way of "jesus, this is the fifth freaking tantrum and the clock hasn't even hit 6:30 yet" "holy hell how can I be so mad at such a small human?" and struggling physically.  Adelynn is way more physical than I bargained for and is into climbing e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

That being said.  This summer is sweet.  I am overwhelmed and probably a bit underprepared for the biggest change that will take place in the nest few months but I have a boy that is kicking me every second of every day in my belly and I have a daughter that wraps her arms around me and when I do leave and come back gets so excited she just about has a conniption fit "MOMMY!!!!" I get to end my days with my soul mate and partner.  I have a tan for the first time ever because I actually get to spend my days outside as opposed to in an office.  We have plans for fruit stands and grilled corn, pulled pork and cupcakes.  My family is coming together, we are growing and maturing and laughing and crying, usually every day. 

I struggle with a lot and I don't know a lot, but I can tell you that I can look at Jim and know that he is my soul mate.  I look at A and know that, while she is way more than I bargained for, she is mine and the greatest gift I have been given.  I look at my stomach and know that in a couple of months, for the very first time, I will set eyes on my son.  For now, this is enough.

catching up

(1) mastitis: i am pretty sure i had this last week.  picture 2:30 am, me wide awake in a hoodie, sweats, socks, under a heated blanket and comforter crying crying crying because of the physical pain and still being so cold.  this is the sickest i can remember being in my adult life.  it was with me for about 12 hours and then i got over it.  the lactation consultant said people usually don't get over it without antibiotics but i am pretty sure it was mastitis vs the flu since i got over it so quickly and had the flu shot and i have been dealing with plugged ducts recently (tmi?).  yuck yuck yuck.  i feel incredibly lucky because i did not have a rough start to breastfeeding at all but i'll tell you what... this was enough.

(2) ya'll.  confession, having a kid has been tough on my marriage.  after i got married i saw all these surveys/data that basically say "satisfaction in marriage declines after birth of child" - i don't want that to be me and i don't want that to be my marriage.  hubby and i are finding our groove as parents but it takes constant check in's and trying to remember big picture stuff.  last monday, he suggested "screenless monday" (well confession 2, i named it but he came up with the idea) basically we don't turn on the tv, we stay away from our phones/computer screens and just focus on talking to each other.  it was awesome.  it helps set the tone for the rest of the week and helps us connect on the first day that we spend away from each other after the weekend.

(3) it's been what like a year and a half since this cd came out?  i am STILL NOT SICK OF IT.  i LOVE IT SO MUCH and play this video constantly... i freaking LOVE those ballerinas in it.  i used to play this song on my ipod while i would do dishes/chores and j would inevitably make fun of me because i would always be belting it out loud, can'thelpit.

(4) i am attempting aforementioned road trip by myself tomorrow.  i need to see my friend but for reasons unforeseen it wasn't able to happen yesterday.  i am a little nervous but a lot excited.  all of my girlfriends have moved away in the past two years or so and it does a heart good to see them.

(5) nothing gives me as much satisfaction as deep cleaning.  when i was dating j and we would get in a fight i would always end up in his bedroom and then i'd be like "well... there's nothing to do in here... so i would clean his bathroom to relieve the stress.  i deep cleaned my kitchen today (no fight necessary) and girrrrrrrrrrrrl it does a soul good to have clean counter tops and a clean floor.

(6) i know it says it in the title... but the insanity workout is insane.  it goes so fast that i COULD NOT keep up, i mean half the time the trainers can't even keep up.  i might get to the point where it could be an effective work out for me on it's own but right now i think it is just going to be a tagalong to my extra workout as a quick calorie burner at the beginning.

baby is up from her nap... happy monday friends!