treat it.

to everyone who has never been touched by suicide,

i get it.  i used to be like you too.  here are the most common views of suicide i either heard or personally held growing up:

that person is selfish
that person is crazy
that person is a coward
they wanted to die
they were depressed for a long time and finally went through with it
there are always warning signs, so people know it's coming
that it's preventable
THAT IT WOULDN'T AFFECT ME


there is this social stigma around depression, suicide, etc.  i can't tell you what it is like to not be able to talk openly about my husband's death.  to see people either openly or privately distance themselves from my pain, search for reasons that he did it beyond the fact that he was ill and we didn't catch it in time, connect dots that aren't connected.  all so they can convince themselves that they will never know the pain, and i honestly hope they don't- but it's possible they will.  i know people whose lives have been touched by suicide and they feel the need to lie about the way their loved one died.  honestly i get it, because i know what it feels like to be marginalized now, and it's not great.  in my own life personally i've had people tell me he was selfish, i've had people question elly's death, i've had people question my own personal actions in the days leading up to his death.  it's difficult- i get it.  we are surrounded by people who look for ways to distance themselves from pain and in doing so just bring damage to an already painful situation.

want to know the truth?  up until elly, we were happy.  we were fucking happy and content and in almost complete and total bliss with our lives.  there were stresses, sure, but we had our lives set.  there weren't any marital strains you aren't privy too, the night before his death there wasn't any fight that i am keeping to myself.

want to know another truth? suicide is not preventable, it is treatable.  and until this country stops stigmatizing it and stops putting the responsibility of PREVENTING a disease on survivors and the patients, there will be no change.  it took me experiencing suicidal feelings myself to realize,

normal people commit suicide
happy people commit suicide
life of the party people commit suicide
successful people commit suicide

want to know how this change is going to start?  it's going to start with your rhetoric, how you speak about people who are depressed, about people who commit suicide.  i'm not proud of the manner of jim's death, just as i imagine most people aren't proud of a cancer death- but i'm also not ashamed.  he was ill, we did not catch the symptoms, it cost him his life.

we need to focus our sights on treatment.  we need to allow those suffering from illness to be able to seek help without stigma.  we need to stop putting the responsibility of an illness on the people affected by it and raise our voice for change.