tough love.

i was moping the other day.  just you know, generally complaining about my circumstances and life.  my dad looked at me and goes "you got that bird tattooed on your chest- live up to it"

this is why i have the coping skills i do.  because ultimately, our circumstances are beyond our control, but our thought process is in our control.  my present circumstances blow.  but my life does not blow and i still have a lot of miracles.  this refinement through suffering is tough, but it is not my life and more than that it is not me.  i am not my suffering.  sometimes it feels like i am, it's a constant fight to just break through.  break through.

this life is weird.  it's so fragile and difficult and unwieldy.  there are nuances and layers and intricacies that lay far beyond our control or understanding or thought.  it doesn't take much to realize our shortcomings with intelligent thought.  a misunderstood fight, a tragedy, we suddenly realize we don't know as much as we thought we did.

i don't know why jim and elly died.  i doubt i will ever know here.  i pray and hope that when i get to heaven that question becomes along the lines of addy asking me why pasta isn't a breakfast food- insignificant, unimportant, and clearly understood.

we are growing, we are stretching and we are starting to reach.