the purpose of working out

for years i have struggled, with my weight, my body image, eating habits, even i would say this extends to my inner peace i have felt.  i have seesawed from one extreme to another (no you don't have to balloon up and down like oprah to seesaw, thirty pounds can do it).

my eating habits have straightened themselves out for the most part.  i am happy with how i eat, feel that i eat well and can definitely tell a difference when i choose to put in crap.  but my work outs are another story.  i am so extreme in them only "counting" a workout if it am doing the hardest level on a videotape or going for a 3+ mile run.  i don't mentally count walking the dogs, chasing my daughter, house cleaning, chasing a toddler, etc.  unless i get a check mark from someone saying "good job you worked out" i haven't let it mentally benefit me instead i let the stress of "missing" a work out eat away at me for the day.

the thing with this schedule though, is that i am almost constantly injured.  i am having trouble with my hips, knees, and back right now and i know that if i keep this up eventually i won't be able to go through the pain.  and the thing is i like running, enough to protect it from my own selfishness.  i don't want to have it give it up because i was killing myself on a damn jillian michaels dvd.

so anyways the purpose of this long stream of consciousness is that i want to change what working out means for me.  to go from feeling the burn to feeling peace.  still completing one long run a week (6+ miles) i want to take the other days to practice yoga, work on my flexibility, and free my hips and back from the pain i have been in.  to all working out to become a source of healing in my life instead of pain.  to not allow my body image and self to be defined by six pack abs and to allow myself a little grace.