a letter to addy.

this is it baby.  we are down to our last couple weeks just you and me.  I looked at your daddy today and I asked him if he thought you were ready.  he very seriously considered the question (as he does all my questions) and said yes, he thought you were.  although, I tend to be a worrier by nature, when I searched my heart, I knew I felt the same way.  I think you are ready.  in fact, in a lot of ways, you seem just as excited as I am to meet your baby brother.

when I washed and folded his clothes, I brought up the laundry basket from downstairs.  I asked you if you knew who the clothes were for and told you they were for your baby brother.  You did your new excited face that you are doing where your mouth opens real wide and you get all pumped about life.  you then went through all the clothes with me and exclaimed "cute cute!" over all your favorites. 

I know it's not going to be all sunshine and roses.  life never is, unfortunately.  but we only know sweet by knowing bitter.  adding a member of a family is a time of transition, for everyone, but I know you will shine.  I hope you know above all, that even when I fail, even when it seems like I am impatient, or you are just getting in the way, my love for you is not wavering.  Even when it seems like all I do is care for him instead of play with you, my love for you is not wavering.  I hope you never ever ever doubt my love. 

Receiving you made me a mom, and I can never ever repay you for that gift.  You have given me my greatest treasure and my most full joy.  I hope that this will be my gift back to you.  A sibling, a (hopefully) big family to give you anchors.  I grew up so lonely as an only child, I desperately wanted a sibling.  My greatest hope is that this will bring you the ultimate in family bonding, someone to go through the tough times with, someone to lean on when your dad and I are old, someone to cling to when things go awry, someone to protect you through life's storms, especially when you feel like you can't talk to you parents. 

I love you.  I know you are ready, I hope I am too.  Please be patient with me as we go through this together.  Know that I will always always be there for you. 

I love you.
mommy