everywhere i go.

everywhere i go i take them with me.  this ache that will never quite subside, it will always be felt.  what i hear so often is that i am strong but it's funny because i think the people who are strong are the ones who aren't afraid of my pain, who don't mind being scarred with me because the fire affects them too.

i remember there was a popular blogger who lost her four year old son in a tragic accident maybe two years ago?  i remember being horrified by it and literally thinking to myself "well... won't be reading that for a while"

sometimes the most difficult thing in the world is to watch those close to you suffer.  i write so much about being alone and feeling alone.  but there have been many who have chosen to stand in the fire with me, many who show up and show up even when i don't call back right away, even when i am spacey and overwhelmed by my text messages and don't respond back.

by leaving ohio, i am leaving a lot.  i am going to a tribe but also leaving a tribe.  it is hard, hard for me to leave.  i am sad and emotional and at times overwhelmed with the enormity of leaving all these people behind.  but then i think of trying to stay, of trying to rebuild here and i realize, it just can't happen.

also this is just a general FYI but if someone you know is hurting or going through a rough time, say something, say anything.  no- you don't have the right words, yes you might stay something stupid, but you will be forgiven for stupid comments and most likely provide fodder for the person who is going through the difficult time because it's always good to have a laugh in your back pocket.

silence is salt on an open wound.  and if you want me to give you a specific start with "i am so sorry, there are no words"