to elly,

my baby.  i miss you fiercely.  right now i am pretending that you are merely in a different country, that the same stars and moon and sun that warm my life, warm yours.  that you are still feeling sand and salt and earth between your fingers and toes just in a different space.  sometimes it is easier to write as if you are abroad.

oh baby girl, my heart hurts for you.  sometimes it aches with not only the sorrow of losing you but it opens me up to the sorrow of every mother that has lost.  there is so much going on in our world right now baby, things you thankfully don't have to see or hear about.  we seem to have forgotten the value of life.  the inherent value of every individual that they have simply because they are here.

in that way, losing you was a gift that i never wanted.  when you have witnessed life lost- whether a slow fade or a quick snuff, it is not something that you take for granted easily in the future.  yet we have found ourselves in a society that does nothing but take life for granted.




oh elly,  my words fail me.  in my heart there are a thousand songs to sing to you, a thousand words to be spoken, a thousand looks to exchange.  in my heart there is the love i have for you with no place to go.  today i still feel those tenuous connections to you, the string that reaches between us, the very science of our molecules being forever intertwined.  i claim and honour that connection today baby.

elly there is not a day that goes by that my arms don't ache for you.  but while my arms are empty my heart is never without you.  and so, today like everyday

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)