If you wait, it's always too late.

It's Saturday morning.  I am sitting on the couch, Mickey Mouse clubhouse is on in the background, everyone - for the moment - is calmed by the bright lights and dancing figures on the screen.  Christian is making breakfast in the background.

This is life, right?  And I've had so many different versions of life.  Life as a traditional family, life as a single mom, life again in a non-traditional family.

The thing with life is that, nothing really follows a time schedule.  God knows, my life hasn't.  I got a full time job smack dab in the middle of moving.  I ended up planning a vacation when we had only been in our house a couple days.  There is this tendency I think, to look at my life or one's own life and miss out because it's not following the timeline.

There are some who think that by bringing someone new in so quickly I am doing my best to reclaim what I had.  Maybe in a desperate way trying to fill in those roles.  That I'm not quite ready.  The crazy thing about the human experience though, is that there is no way to replace people, no way to re-create the unique and bright human experience that each person brings to the role.  It's beautiful to be in a relationship again, but it's not the same, it will never be the same, and no one here is trying to make it be.

The flip side of that is, no I was not ready.  None of us ever are for the things that truly scare us.  I was not ready to open my heart, not ready to expand my family again, but I jumped anyway.  I think that's where true bravery lies, to those willing to try again, to those willing to leap, to those who say- I know what makes me happy and I will pursue it.

My boss has a saying, procrastination is the thief of health and isn't that true of all.  So many people are immobile, unwilling to try or do anything different.  I meet and talk to so many people who are stuck in jobs they don't like, who are afraid to even admit what they want to the universe.

If you want it, claim it.  On December 31st, I wrote down what I wanted for myself in the New Year.  Some of them didn't come to fruition (visiting my cousin in Hawaii- sorry Lys) but my main one did- to fall in love again.  It was so scary to write that again, even in a journal.  We have this tendency to just self-edit, to be always slightly okay with what things are, even if it's not what we want.

Don't be scared to want something different than what you have.