elly,
another birthday apart. i hope you are having a fabulous time. it seems very very unfair that a mom wouldn't get to be with her child on their birthday but i am doing my best to trust that it will all work together.
we only had one birthday together, the precious one where i met you and laid eyes on you for the very first time. i miss you so much.
i gave away most of your baby things, i wanted them to go to little babies who could fill them out now. i tried so hard to remind myself of you after you left elly, tokens and gifts and material things... but the reality is, no material object comes close to touching that loss. they are well meaning- but misguided.
my longing for you is different, i never catch myself wondering where your stuff is. but when we are all in the car and my heart skips a beat because i feel like we left something, that's when i feel the pang for you. the knowledge that something (someone) is missing.
i hope to spread some kindness today, i hope your birthday kicks me into being generous instead of a self-pity party. i hope to show extra love to Addy, Lane and Nyah in honor of you.
i hope you experience kindness too, i hope my mom or another maternal person wraps you in a great big hug today until i can get to do it myself. i hope you get to see a rainbow or fresh dew on flowers and feel breezes in your hair.
I love you Ellery Ann,
I will choose hope,
Love,
your mom
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments