currently

FYI: toddlers eat a lot more if you let them have a picnic, no constraints.  That's a quesadilla outside btw.

 

 

I wanted to get in this space and write, to pop in and say hello.  It's been a hectic week, my daughter is completely lovable, completely----- she is also extremely strong willed.  This age is difficult, as far as discipline, I am just trying to figure it out.  Her favorite things these days... biting and hitting when she doesn't get her way, throwing her dinner to the dogs, creating general mayhem and loving loving LOVING when I say "NO" I mean she finds it HILARIOUS.  I can't really think of anything more frustrating than looking at this tiny little irrational human who is LAUGHING when you are at the end of your rope.  I love love being a mom, but man, when six o clock hits.... I am exhausted and she is usually crying or getting ready to cry.   

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut totally not the point of me being on here.  I wanted to link up with OT and ET this week to catalogue what is going on.... holla!

I have been writing in my daily 365 journal which I LOVE.  If I don't like the question for the day I just jot a little note about what's going on.  I am so excited to look back in a couple years and see what was up, especially as my family grows!  I am also diligently writing in my weekly pregnancy journal.  When I had Adelynn, I sent out a weekly email but never compiled them and am missing some weeks.  I am doing this one handwritten so I can give it as a gift to my baby when he/she is older. 

I haven't been visiting anyone yet, but we are gearing up for a family trip to Baltimore and a GENDER REVEAL!  Yes, I ordered cupcakes with a colored filling and cannot wait cannot wait cannot wait to let the cat out of the bag about what is in this belly.  It has been so great being pregnant a second time.  When I was pregnant the first time, I was literally a ball of nerves just thinking something was going to go wrong at every turn, trying to plan out EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and OH MY GOD you can't.  It was a stressful experience and I spent a great deal of time worrying about what things could go wrong and wondering "will I get back to my pregnancy size? what if I look like this for ever?!"  It's been so nice to just settle into this pregnancy and enjoy most if not all of the moments.  In the span of life, pregnancy is so short, so it's nice to just relish my changing body, the kicks, and the knowledge that a teeny tiny baby is growing in my body.  HOW AWESOME DUDE!

Learning: This relates back to the first, but I am still learning how to be the best mom for Chewkie.  It's the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done and I just want to do it well.  I think this will be a lifelong lesson that I will have to learn and relearn with every child.

I have been wanting just a lot of stuff.  We went through a period where we couldn't buy ANYTHING and I feel like I am just still flying high off of "wow we can afford stuff again!"  Bleh, I need to cut back at looking/shopping on my phone which has definitely been a downside of having a smart phone again.  SO MANY ADS ALL THE TIME!

I am loving taking some time for myself and just working on some updates.  I got fresh highlights, painted my toenails, and have recovered my couch pillows which gave my living room such a LIFT.  It's so happy in there now that some of the brown is being lifted by the happy turquoise and jungle green!



ALSO: coming up, a new bloggy blog facelift!  Erin from Love, Fun and Football has been diligently working away on a makeover for me.  She is AWESOME to work with and in my opinion underprices herself!  Fun fact, we were in the same art class at college together!

SOOO everyone, enjoy your (hopefully) 3 day weekend, enjoy a beer (for me!), and hopefully let the sunshine in!!

it's not about me.

a week ago or so jim asked me what I wanted for mother's day in a "what do you want to do for Mother's day" kinda way.  I asked for a couple hours to myself guilt free, to sleep in and some sort of breakfast.

see last year, my mother-in-law came into town for mother's day and so my weekend was filled with cleaning, cooking and planning - all while still caring for my seventh month old and feeling in general just crazy.  so in my mind I was fully engaged in a "I DESERVE A MOTHER'S DAY! I DO SO MUCH! SO SO SO MUCH!!! NO ONE EVEN KNOWS HOW MUCH I DO!"  and the like.  not a very flattering portrait of myself, but an accurate one.

however, life had other plans.  my poor babe came down sick on Saturday and slept horribly (goodbye sleeping in!) and refused to be peeled from my body for most of Sunday.  we basically were one skin.  I had laid her down for a nap at about one hoping she would go to sleep on her own for a bit and from the kitchen I hear "mommy....  mommy" in the most pitiful voice you can imagine.  So I went up and picked up her little feverish body and rocked her on the floor and she fell asleep.  Eventually I shifted her so we were both laying on the floor and I fell asleep too.  Before I did though, I realized something that it is kind of unfortunate it took me this long to realize - it's not about me.  What I do, day in and day out is not for me.  The cooking, the cleaning, the kisses, the scheduling - it's not for my benefit or for my accolades - it is truly for my family.  For my babe and baby-that's-coming, for my husband who works so hard so I can be at home with our littles. 

And it's funny, that thought brought a lot of freedom.  Freedom from needing the constant affirmations, From needing everyone to realize just how hard I am working for them. 

I am not sure how to wrap this, it's still a new thought and a new lesson that I am sure will be molding my life in the months and years to come but I do want to say.  To all the Mother's out there, salute, we are doing one hell of a job, and if you can remember to say - it's for them.

18 month photoshoot preview

holy shit, because I just can't help myself.

all images copyright Double The Love Photography

so much news

it's May first of all!
THANK GOD I finally see stuff that is green!


one.  I took a bad fall and broke my tailbone last Wednesday, ugh- thankfully baby was ok (confirmed after waiting 3 (THREE!) hours to see a doctor at the ER!)  a donut and Tylenol are rocking as my bff right now and it has been so so so hard not be active with Adelynn. 

two.  right now we are staying in our current house.  we will hopefully be buying in the next eight months or so! (oh my god such big news!) this is such a blessing and we are so looking forward to the next step

three.  let's see some current snap shots!

family shot before heading to our second ultrasound!

this just cracks me up, it's from a game where we nanny at

spring has come!

look at that girl, sitting like a boss at one of my doctor's appointments! so well-behaved!

baby(s) and mama, this is like five weeks old, so not a current belly pic at all

overall, this injury has knocked me on my ass.  I am tired, grumpy, and very sore.  but other than that we are doing well.  I am looking forward to what the future has in store for us and excited about:

learning the gender at the end of May!
warmer weather finally!
maternity shorts
and of course being with my baby all day!

Randoms for the end of March

I am posting from my phone so excuse any typos (which there will be) and the general lack of photos or cohesiveness.


It's the end of March. We have two inches of snow on the ground, my heart is breaking a little right now.  That being said Bed Bath and Beyond is a great place to take a cooped up toddler, seriously.  Not only do they have fun inexpensive treats like bubbles but if you hang out on the sheets and pillows side there are endless things to look at but nothing breakable on her level.

I got my Girl Scout cookies today, a saving grace.

My daughter gets funnier and funnier every day.  I love that she does things to make us laugh and has all this energy.  She gets so much joy out of each moment and it's awesome being able to witness that.

My nannying job is up in the air right now.  Unfortunately it's been messing up adelynn's schedule for a long time and after weeks of no naps and four am wake ups my husband and I agreed something needed to change.  Not sure what is going to happen yet, but something will be shifting.  This decision led to a full day of crying for me and an 8:15 bedtime.

Also phew.  After a relative draught of appointments or get togethers march has been hopping.  We have been busy every weekend and are getting ready to head out shortly to Connecticut.

And I will end on this.  I have been incredibly thankful for my husband and daughter recently.  Not in a "oh I should be thankful kind of way" but in on an inhale-exhale basis.  We have been functioning so well and i feel like I have come a long way in confronting issues when they happen instead of stewing for a weekend and ruining it for everyone.  He has been such a rock for our family recently and it's been nice to think back to how far we've come.  We are in our fourth (!!) year of marriage which I remarked felt significant.  He said it was probably because we have passed the "couple" or "few" timelines.  Almost half a decade people.

Happy hump day everyone.  Here's to smooth sailing the rest of the week!

a letter to a.

dear daughter,

oh my goodness.  you are turning 17 months old in four days.  just a month shy of a year and a half old. 

you are so intentional with your love now.  when you wake up in the morning (inevitably screaming as any time left in your crib alone is too long) the first thing you do when I pick you up is say "hug hug" then "daddy, hug" wanting me to bring you into our room for some snuggles.  we lay in our bed and you say hi to everyone "weo, hug hug, cookie, hug hug, daddy, hug hug, mommy, hug"  but you never really leave my arms.  you are always giving me and your dad hi fives, kisses, and hugs. 

you know all the names of those closest to you, granddad and bobbie, gigi and papa, nana and grandpa, tyty, you ask to see ty on the days we aren't nannying but seem to understand when I explain when we will see him next.  you are ok being left with others to watch over you, reading books and playing just fine when I tell you mommy will be back. 

I am so proud of you vocabulary as you now repeat almost any new phrase you hear.  we were listening to "boom boom aint it great to be crazy" and you go "crazy, crazy?!"  today I was changing a stinky diaper and I go "oh my" and you immediately go "oh my! oh my!"  you are such a little lady now, I am always pinning back your bangs with flower clips, you run along in your little toddler shoes, and your legs are long and skinny.  my happy baby is gone, replaced with a charming toddler.

we went through a rough stage, I was having a hard time with some outbursts and the hitting and yelling.  I wasn't sure I was doing a good job and we felt cooped up all the time.  however, I have turned a corner with you and realized that a lot of it comes from not being able to express yourself (duh!) but also it is just part of the age and I stay consistent with how I handle it every time.  you are normally very good about listening and even when you hit me, I sometimes haven't even opened my mouth to correct you before you go "hug, hug?"

I love you baby girl.  I am so happy to see the start of March and a beautiful spring/summer/year with you.  You are my heart of hearts and I love being your mommy.

I will be forever blessed by you.
Love,
Mommy

out for breakfast 3/1/14

 

 

just a mom.

when I first started staying at home, I was really uncomfortable with the idea of being "just a stay at home mom" I was used to earning an income, used to having an identity outside of the home.  So I started a baby headband business on etsy, after all what else was I going to do with all this extra time while the baby napped? (KICKING MYSELF NOW... WHAT THE HECK!)

Needless to say, my business failed, I was at best a poor imitation of some great,

great baby headbands out there.  Plus every time I put them on my little... they just seemed uncomfortable.  Plus she got older, I started nannying and that free time I slowly whittled away and I put my business ideas to rest.

I am at a point where I am comfortable being "just a stay at home mom."  I truly believe that the most important thing I can poor my energy into these days is my toddler who demands most of it.  I don't want to be ashamed of staying at home or raising my daughters.  However, I also don't want to go after dreams just because I am scared.  I was really caught by the quote from Noelle Pikus-Pace who rocked it in the Olympics this year.

"You don't have to choose.  My family always comes first.  I want my kids to know that you can achieve your dreams even as a mom.  I don't want to give up, because what kind of example would that set?  It's about going for a medal along with my family."

I was so caught by those words... you can achieve your dreams - even as a mom.  I know in my heart, that even as a mom and maybe BECAUSE I am a mom, there is something out there for me.  I am not sure what it is going to look like or when it will come to me - just because I feel assured of something in my heart doesn't mean it's coming tomorrow.  However, I am going to put feelers out there in my mind background... what would bring ME happiness, what would be feasible time-wise, monetary concerns aside - what are my passions. 

I know I love to write, even though it's sporadically, I know I love to cook and bake especially.  So this year, I am going to let those things ruminate and know in my heart I am still able to go after my dreams.