it is only within facing ourselves that we can process external stimuli.  it doesn't take much to cloud my mirror quickly.  a couple days without journaling, a couple decisions without much thought... very quickly in our world of things can i lose sight of myself.

“A man’s ignorance sometimes is not only useful, but beautiful, while his knowledge, so called, is oftentimes worse than useless beside being ugly. Which is the best man to deal with, he who knows nothing about a subject, and what is extremely rare, knows that he knows nothing, — or he who really knows something about it, but thinks that he knows all?” 
― Henry David Thoreau, Walking


this day, set aside for quiet reflection and thanks and also now shopping, is a mixed bag for me.  in the years past i was always thankful for my family, right? my family and husband and house, etc.

this year i am thankful for myself.  for a self that has kept the fight for over six months.  for a self who refuses to allow a family to break.  for a self that will carry her daughter's legacy alone although it is the heaviest burden.  for a self that is doing her damnedest to give her children both roots and wings.  my happiness this year, my thankfulness this year, is not found in my external stimuli, although in 2016 i have yet experienced unbelievable beauty in the times of unbelievable pain, it is found within myself.

and so to myself, i say, you can, you can, you can.  tilt your head to the sun child, it is still warm.  drink the water, it is still cool, rest your feet on the ground child, it is still steady.  the world moves on but you are in it, it moves with you, it moves in you.  you feel unmoored but you will not always feel this way, sink some - but swim more.  fall, but do not stay down.  lift your head child, you can, you can, you can.  lift your head lift your head lift!

for my prayer has always been love