if you are reading this,

i am sorry that your life has started over, perhaps more times than you would care to admit.  i mean that, i really do.  i was not the first to grow up under the impressions or fantasy that my life would turn out similar to the disney princesses.  "they all lived happily ever after"  and on a similar note, i am not the first to see what's behind the curtain when that mirage falls apart...

happily

... until they got divorced
... until she got cancer
... until their kid is in trouble at school
... until you declared bankruptcy
... until he died
... until she lost her job



there seems to be this apology dance that we get to do when our life doesn't go the way people expect...


"yeah i know it's soon, but he's a great guy"
"yeah he does have two kids from his first wife, but honestly they're angels!"


and on the flip side of that, we all seem to have this innate chip that makes us confident we could be living everyone elses' life more effectively than they appear to be living it.  we conjure up ideas and rules, expectations and limits.

"i would never do long distance"
"she's crazy, he's a decade younger than him"
"i heard she's letting her kid drop out of college and move back home"

it's an immunity thing right?  we see these tricky or difficult circumstances and in a hope of inoculating ourselves against the difficulty of navigating it we place a boundary around it, a way to stay safe.  but there is no safety net, no inoculation against pain.



and there is no one more equipped to navigate your life than you.


i almost drowned in opinions about my life after jim.  and the crazy thing was, i had everything i needed to make the decisions within myself.  if you haven't seen moana, you should watch it, i can't even discuss how empowering it was and how much better it was than frozen... but these lyrics get me everytime

You are your father's daughter
Stubbornness and pride
Mind what he says but remember
You may hear a voice inside
And if the voice starts to whisper
To follow the farthest star
Moana, that voice inside is
Who you are

but listen, no one gets to define how many happy endings you get.  that is your choice and your choice alone.  
and no one gets to paint how those look but you.

so please for the love of God, stop trying to protect yourself against other people's lives, mistakes, or joys and just live your life, and live it well, without apology.