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Hello! Hello!

Let's just jump into things shall we?
Little Elly bean was added to the mix.  I think the weirdest thing about having a baby is that once they are here it feels like they were always here.  You can have all this anxiety and apprehension but all of the sudden they are here and it's perfect and you love them so so much.  Little miss was a surprise for us (big surprise!) but she was just meant to be.  Currently she is sprawled across my stomach and I can feel her little warm body on mine, her sniffles and little whimpering and snoring the only noise besides the fan going upstairs as white noise for the older ones.

I wasn't sure I would continue writing, but the. I was reading some of my old posts with Adelynn and it brought me so much comfort to read about it, I just couldn't give up completely.  This time thing is a fickle beast eh?  We have brought home our last baby and every day, every minute that ticks by separates us more and more from that moment of meeting our last child.  Creating and meeting these beings is such a crazy thing.  There is nothing else in the world that touches it.  It's such a distinct time of life right now, car seat carriers and nap schedules, time outs, tantrums....  I know though that we will always be trading hard things for different hard things.  There is no perfect season of life, everything bears a burden.  So that is what makes it so crucial to just enjoy it.  My grandma recently passed away at 94 years old.  She was this matriarch of our family and it kind of felt like she would never die.  But everyone does and it's so weird to look at my life and know that I am going to blink and it's going to be me old and grey.  So much of me still expects to see a gangly 16 year old or an unsure of herself 20 year old when I look in the mirror and then I get surprised when I look and see this woman....

Age is so fleeting.  My addy, my little baby will turn four this year, nugget is getting bigger by the day and soon even Elly won't be a newborn.  Sometimes time feels like this crushing weight that I can't get out from under on, it honestly takes my breathe away sometimes.



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treat it.

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that person is selfish
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they were depressed for a long time and finally went through with it
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dating in 2016, also huge LOL at even posting this.

Half of me can’t even believe I am writing this post.  Dating is gruesome, isn’t it?  Like most of life, I suppose.
The weekend that Jim died I was standing there, a wreck, while my phone was blowing up.  Alayne goes “who is texting you so much?”
I respond “oh those are just my tinder matches” 
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