a sunny end to the week

just to sum up.  this week was rough.  emotionally and physically.  I have been dealing with a lot of issues that didn't hit until much later in my first pregnancy (like swelling and an incredible amount of lower back pain) I attribute much of this to just trying to keep up with my active toddler.  In addition, Adelynn had a rough time adjusting back (her schedule was thrown off completely in Baltimore, 10 pm bedtimes, morning naps, no afternoon naps... etc) and it was basically just a meltdown city for everyone this week.

but finally she slept for 12.5 hours last night and woke up smiling and with the exception of her hating the taste of her new allergy medicine, has been in good spirits since.  I got a half hour to myself this morning that I celebrated with some stretching, a pop tart and a cup of coffee, Jim is coming home for a half day and I am seeing a friend for lunch.  I think a relaxing day in the sun is going to be in order for everyone and I can't wait to kick start this weekend relaxing.

I hope everyone enjoys this Friday and weekend with their loves.  Here are some Friday snapshots.

2o week belly

canoe at the zoo

first time riding in "the big girl car" at the grocery store

cheesin at her great grandparents

morning snuggles from her papa

oh hey, four o clock

How this pregnancy has differed from my first

hi baby

I really could sum this up with the thought: in every way.  However, I really wanted to expound on the idea as it is something I have given a great deal of thought to.  I HATED being pregnant the first time.  Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for my beautiful daughter and would have literally walked to hell and back to get her, but the pregnancy experience?  No thank you.  I thought it was a miserable, soul sucking experience filled with getting fat, bad skin, and just general uncomfortableness.  In fact, I found myself wishing for twins so I could get more kids with fewer pregnancies... 3 kids, only 2 pregnancies - win!

This pregnancy, has thankfully been different- which is funny.  Maybe it's because having a toddler makes you realize it's not all about you and your rounding hips and swollen belly, maybe it's because I have the knowledge of how limited our time on this earth is - much less our time carrying our babies in our belly, but regardless, it's been different.  I am cherishing the kicks and movement and growing belly and somehow the downsides (flatulence! swollen feet! breakouts!) seem pretty limited.  So I thought for futures sake when this is just a memory, I would categorize how this pregnancy differs from the last. 

Although this is touched on above, during Adelynn's pregnancy I was a nervous wreck .  I was constantly analyzing my chances of something being wrong (miscarriage! cystic fibrosis! down syndrome!) and found myself constantly expecting the worst.  I am happy to say that this pregnancy has been mostly free from that.  Of course the day before the first ultrasound I found myself a little uptight and trying to " prepare," but for the most part I have been settled mentally this pregnancy .  I'm not googling syndromes or diseases.  I expect to hear the heartbeat beating healthily when I go to my appointments and for the most part, I have just been relaxed.  I am hoping this continues into when I bring the baby home and it's all relaxation over here (CAN I HEAR A YEAH RIGHT!)

I attribute some of this to the fact that it's my second pregnancy and really the second time you do anything it is easier but also the fact that worrying has been my focus for about a year now.  It's nice to see the positive effect in my life, especially with something as important as my children.  Jim has really helped me work through my worrying but ultimately realizing if I want to shut it off, it's up to me.  Sometimes it's just a decision.

I am carrying differently.  First time I was pregnant I didn't really show until I was about seven months.  I am much more noticeably pregnant and carrying higher although I am still "low" at least in my perspective.

My cravings are different: first time around I am surprised A wasn't born with twizzlers pull-n-peel clutched in her tiny hands.  This time, it's been ALL DAIRY all the time and a lot of salads.  I have pretty much completely given up meat besides bacon and chicken.  I am thankful for my cravings this time but again, am not sure if it's just because subconsciously I am trying to eat healthier or if it really is just different this time.  (the DAIRY is definitely a pregnancy thing because good luck trying to get me to eat "raw" {ie not melted} cheese when I'm not pregnant.... not happening).

My emotions seem to be more in check or I am just more aware of them.  I have had a couple of teary breakdowns this pregnancy (DUH!) but instead of attributing it to the fact that "j doesn't love me anymore" I realize even in the midst of it, that it's just a hormone fluctuation and I most likely need to cry it out and get on with my life. 

I'm not sleeping as much.  There is this super embarrassing picture Jim took of me where I fell asleep on our family room carpet in the afternoon/early evening.  I mean hands curled up under me, mouth open, probably slightly snoring.  Even with keeping up with A, I am functioning best on about eight and a half hours a night and going to bed around 10 or so as opposed to falling asleep at 8:30 EVERY NIGHT!

The main difference this time around....

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!

and while the gender reveal really deserves it's own separate post.  I am not sure I will get there.  It was a very emotional day and since I was completely convinced it was a girl (!!!!) a shock for me.  Needless to say, we are so excited to start what feels like a new journey and cannot wait to meet our son (!!!) in a couple months. 

I am going to have a son.  With that thought, I am going to kick this blog for tonight and get my dinner - which in case you are curious - is a bowl of cheerios.


FYI: toddlers eat a lot more if you let them have a picnic, no constraints.  That's a quesadilla outside btw.
I wanted to get in this space and write, to pop in and say hello.  It's been a hectic week, my daughter is completely lovable, completely----- she is also extremely strong willed.  This age is difficult, as far as discipline, I am just trying to figure it out.  Her favorite things these days... biting and hitting when she doesn't get her way, throwing her dinner to the dogs, creating general mayhem and loving loving LOVING when I say "NO" I mean she finds it HILARIOUS.  I can't really think of anything more frustrating than looking at this tiny little irrational human who is LAUGHING when you are at the end of your rope.  I love love being a mom, but man, when six o clock hits.... I am exhausted and she is usually crying or getting ready to cry.   

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut totally not the point of me being on here.  I wanted to link up with OT and ET this week to catalogue what is going on.... holla!

I have been writing in my daily 365 journal which I LOVE.  If I don't like the question for the day I just jot a little note about what's going on.  I am so excited to look back in a couple years and see what was up, especially as my family grows!  I am also diligently writing in my weekly pregnancy journal.  When I had Adelynn, I sent out a weekly email but never compiled them and am missing some weeks.  I am doing this one handwritten so I can give it as a gift to my baby when he/she is older. 

I haven't been visiting anyone yet, but we are gearing up for a family trip to Baltimore and a GENDER REVEAL!  Yes, I ordered cupcakes with a colored filling and cannot wait cannot wait cannot wait to let the cat out of the bag about what is in this belly.  It has been so great being pregnant a second time.  When I was pregnant the first time, I was literally a ball of nerves just thinking something was going to go wrong at every turn, trying to plan out EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and OH MY GOD you can't.  It was a stressful experience and I spent a great deal of time worrying about what things could go wrong and wondering "will I get back to my pregnancy size? what if I look like this for ever?!"  It's been so nice to just settle into this pregnancy and enjoy most if not all of the moments.  In the span of life, pregnancy is so short, so it's nice to just relish my changing body, the kicks, and the knowledge that a teeny tiny baby is growing in my body.  HOW AWESOME DUDE!

Learning: This relates back to the first, but I am still learning how to be the best mom for Chewkie.  It's the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done and I just want to do it well.  I think this will be a lifelong lesson that I will have to learn and relearn with every child.

I have been wanting just a lot of stuff.  We went through a period where we couldn't buy ANYTHING and I feel like I am just still flying high off of "wow we can afford stuff again!"  Bleh, I need to cut back at looking/shopping on my phone which has definitely been a downside of having a smart phone again.  SO MANY ADS ALL THE TIME!

I am loving taking some time for myself and just working on some updates.  I got fresh highlights, painted my toenails, and have recovered my couch pillows which gave my living room such a LIFT.  It's so happy in there now that some of the brown is being lifted by the happy turquoise and jungle green!

ALSO: coming up, a new bloggy blog facelift!  Erin from Love, Fun and Football has been diligently working away on a makeover for me.  She is AWESOME to work with and in my opinion underprices herself!  Fun fact, we were in the same art class at college together!

SOOO everyone, enjoy your (hopefully) 3 day weekend, enjoy a beer (for me!), and hopefully let the sunshine in!!

it's not about me.

a week ago or so jim asked me what I wanted for mother's day in a "what do you want to do for Mother's day" kinda way.  I asked for a couple hours to myself guilt free, to sleep in and some sort of breakfast.

see last year, my mother-in-law came into town for mother's day and so my weekend was filled with cleaning, cooking and planning - all while still caring for my seventh month old and feeling in general just crazy.  so in my mind I was fully engaged in a "I DESERVE A MOTHER'S DAY! I DO SO MUCH! SO SO SO MUCH!!! NO ONE EVEN KNOWS HOW MUCH I DO!"  and the like.  not a very flattering portrait of myself, but an accurate one.

however, life had other plans.  my poor babe came down sick on Saturday and slept horribly (goodbye sleeping in!) and refused to be peeled from my body for most of Sunday.  we basically were one skin.  I had laid her down for a nap at about one hoping she would go to sleep on her own for a bit and from the kitchen I hear "mommy....  mommy" in the most pitiful voice you can imagine.  So I went up and picked up her little feverish body and rocked her on the floor and she fell asleep.  Eventually I shifted her so we were both laying on the floor and I fell asleep too.  Before I did though, I realized something that it is kind of unfortunate it took me this long to realize - it's not about me.  What I do, day in and day out is not for me.  The cooking, the cleaning, the kisses, the scheduling - it's not for my benefit or for my accolades - it is truly for my family.  For my babe and baby-that's-coming, for my husband who works so hard so I can be at home with our littles. 

And it's funny, that thought brought a lot of freedom.  Freedom from needing the constant affirmations, From needing everyone to realize just how hard I am working for them. 

I am not sure how to wrap this, it's still a new thought and a new lesson that I am sure will be molding my life in the months and years to come but I do want to say.  To all the Mother's out there, salute, we are doing one hell of a job, and if you can remember to say - it's for them.

18 month photoshoot preview

holy shit, because I just can't help myself.

all images copyright Double The Love Photography

so much news

it's May first of all!
THANK GOD I finally see stuff that is green!

one.  I took a bad fall and broke my tailbone last Wednesday, ugh- thankfully baby was ok (confirmed after waiting 3 (THREE!) hours to see a doctor at the ER!)  a donut and Tylenol are rocking as my bff right now and it has been so so so hard not be active with Adelynn. 

two.  right now we are staying in our current house.  we will hopefully be buying in the next eight months or so! (oh my god such big news!) this is such a blessing and we are so looking forward to the next step

three.  let's see some current snap shots!

family shot before heading to our second ultrasound!

this just cracks me up, it's from a game where we nanny at

spring has come!

look at that girl, sitting like a boss at one of my doctor's appointments! so well-behaved!

baby(s) and mama, this is like five weeks old, so not a current belly pic at all

overall, this injury has knocked me on my ass.  I am tired, grumpy, and very sore.  but other than that we are doing well.  I am looking forward to what the future has in store for us and excited about:

learning the gender at the end of May!
warmer weather finally!
maternity shorts
and of course being with my baby all day!