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Showing posts from 2015

Getting there

It's so odd these little memories that pop into your head as you get older.  For me especially, I have a lot of nostalgia about my time in college.  Although it had many growing pains, it was the first time outside of childhood I can remember being happy.  Anyways, although I still listen to a lot of similar things as college a lot of the specific music I listened to back then (death cab for cutie, Damien rice, iron and wine, sufjan stevens) I haven't listened to in a while.

Well, I've been rediscovering a lot of these old music faves and it's been a nice little jog down memory lane while still remaining in the present.  Sufjan just released an album that came out of his mothers death and it is the most raw and touching piece of work I have heard in years.  Losing someone profound in your life changes you forever.  It's like this unspoken language- an unspoken heartache- hearing someone put it to words was so incredibly helpful for me.  Highly highly recommend.

Ano…

Holy cannoli

Addy and I have this thing whenever she finishes something she always wants me to say "holy cannoli you ate all your(fill in the blank) green beans, peaches, etc.  I am 100% positive this is only funny to me as her mother but her face is priceless.

Almost three is starting to get really good, she makes jokes and is getting that little kid kookiness to her.  I mean, honestly guys, kids are just weird- they are!  Today we were cuddling and she goes "when boys chase girls, they grunt" I said "who told you that" and she goes "noooo, I told you that!"

Also today "Laney will be the prince and I'll be the princess"
"Who's mommy?"
"The queen"
"Who's daddy?"
"The fairy"



Things are good.  We are settling into our house and while there are a million projects to do, shit gets expensive quickly- so most are on the back burner indefinitely.  The two major things I am hoping for by next year are a new di…

July July

July is a somewhat busy month for us and while I have lots swirling around, these are things that are on my mind or that I am loving right now.

THESE sippy cups.  magic, pure magic, Lane can drink out of one at nine months, they are easy to wash, and just function better.  A never really got the typical sippy cups (I think because she didn't take a bottle) she only learned straws.  Anyways, I love these, they are great for juices in the family room, etc. and I really feel they help speed the development of drinking from "normal" cups

Marathon training- guys, it's tiring and long.  I did one 14.25 mile run which broke my record for longest run.  but two kids, running the house, training - it's a lot.  I am averaging 2-3 week runs and a long Saturday run.  I feel like I am staying on top of it for the most part but, some days I am tired.  Also runners- shoe suggestions?  I want to try the Nike Flyknit.  Here are my issues - the top half of my foot will go numb a cou…

why i run

"We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon."
- Emil Zatopek, Czech runner, winner of four Olympic gold medals



In high school, I ran track one season (sophomore year)- I actually managed to letter but didn't stay with it.  I convinced myself it wasn't worth my time, the other girls were better than me, etc. etc.  During college, I gained some weight (whose with me!) worked out off and on.  During my final year of college I weighted about 185ish (I'm 5'10) and wasn't really on the whole work out train.  I also struggled with bulimia my senior year of high school and senior year of college. 

The year after graduating was difficult.  I felt lost and out of place.  It was such an adjustment to be working all day every day in a field I hated (customer service thank you very much!).  Our economy had just crashed and it was a pretty bleak place.  I started drin…

Being a mom without having mine

this was a post originally published on the now defunct blog - wifessionals.  I never posted it here so I thought I would share.  Last night, for the first time, Addy asked me about "mommy's mommy" - if she could come visit, where her house was, if we could go see her house, etc.  You guys, it was like a punch to the gut.  The thing about these losses that we suffer, it doesn't really get easier.  The adage "time heals all wounds"?  not true.  we learn to live with them, so that they don't swallow our entire lives, which is good and needed.  because life deserve to be lived.  yet, every once in a while we see the loss for what it is- gut wrenching, soul numbing, blackness.

In case you were wondering how we handled it. I simply said that grandma couldn't visit because she lived too far away.  I know that Addy didn't really know what she was asking and I am certainly not in a position to lay down concrete views of heaven on a two year old.







Happy Fr…

currently.

I am putting off painting, so much freaking painting.  just imagine a 2000 square foot house and everything that can be painted NEEDS painted, except one glorious room, the living room, which they already had painted white.  anyways, we are finishing up the kitchen and family room and you guys, I am getting to that "what day is it, I need nutrients, I am stressed" kind of point.  so anyways, break!

watching: jim and I are still going through Gilmore girls! and bah bah bah! the last episode we watched Schmidt from new girl was in it!  I love finding new characters on old tv shows!



 dealing: out the time outs.  seriously, also I feel like, I wished these work... but they don't.  enough said

losing: the drama.  I was so pumped when we moved because about a month after I moved in I met this lady at the park who was also a runner and I started running with them on Saturdays.  It was nice to have accountability and a weekly "friendish" date.  the last time I ran with…

settling in.

we have lived in our house for about two months and although the honey do list grows.  we are slowly but surely settling in.

like most big moves in life, you prepare yourself for what you think will be hard (moving, finances, styling decisions, etc.) but life always throws your curve balls.  personally, I was quite unprepared for just how emotionally overwhelmed I would be in moving.  Outside of all the other stresses, just being in this big(ger) house, with my kids, analyzing the decision.  It was a LOT.  Plus unless you build new construction, it almost feels like you are moving into someone elses life.  It's definitely a different feeling, you own it, but it doesn't feel like yours.  Completely different from how I felt renting houses in the past.

That being said, things are clipping along at a nice place.  We've made pretty much all our paint decisions, made some hard decisions (delaying a fence installation till next year because the money, it does not grow on trees) …

Mothers Day

If this day is hard for you in any capacity. If you've lost a child or your mom, or you can't become a mom.  Just know there are people out there thinking of you today in the midst of everything.  In the happy faces, and pretty dresses, and flowers.  Someone out there is thinking of you and knows you are hurting.  We will get through it and tomorrow will be a new day.

daily life.

it didn't really take us too long to fall into a schedule after nugget was born.  mostly because he fell into one naturally and while it has morphed some over the months.  this is where we are at now.  with addy at 2.5 and nugget at 7 months on sunday.  it's a good place to be, a precious place in life and while we are still dealing with night wake ups most nights from one or both of them... most of the time we are getting sleep (hallelujah!)

5-6 am: nurse nugget and lay him back down to sleep.  he now sleeps through the night
6:30 -7:15 get up with addy.  she is in our bed at this point usually coming in around 5 or 6 when she hears nugget wake up. we get up, I get coffee, she gets some sort of "breakfast" and she usually plays
7:45-8:30 nugget wakes up for the  day in here sometime and I get him changed and fed breakfast, daddy leaves for work at 8:30

if we are leaving for the day, we usually try to make it out of the house by ten, but the earlier the better.  I tr…

i know, i know.

there has been a lot going on this week (months really).  I have been processing and figuring out what I want to do.  I've had a job offer that I had to mull over and (separately) was debating trying to reenter the work force.  Staying at home, at times, is difficult.  There are so many issues to overcome just as a female in this world.  At times, my pride wants me to earn an income, my being wants to interact with adults, in an adult setting, and I grow weary and tired of being at home.

In today's society in general, it can be difficult to truly flesh out what we want.  When there are a hundred different options flashing in your face at all times, the grass tends to look greener.   But wherever you go, there you are.  I think what really brought this home for me was moving.  My husband and I closed on our house in March.  I thought this would solve all my problems, - how could I be discontent when I got the house I wanted?  Yet, the dissatisfaction still lingered.  It crept …

Addy at 2.5

Me: what do you want for breakfast
Her: I need fruitons! (Croutons)
Me: no, we can't have croutons for breakfast
Her: why am I mad?
Me: why are you mad?
Her: because you don't love me

At 2.5 years, my little is learning so much.  And at times, it overwhelms me.  Her fierce spirit frightens my timid nature and overwhelms my sensitive soul.  She is so sensitive too though, a combination of both my husband and I to her core.  Her emotions are intensely felt and she is before my eyes transforming into a child and leaving toddlerhood behind.  So I am taking a page from her book, following my dream and hopefully setting an example I would be proud to have her follow.

Sound cryptic? Could be because I am typing this out instead of sleeping.  There will be more to come.  I just read this post though from Kelle, and God I hope I have the guts to live that example.  Addy, at 2.5 you have taught me more than all that has come before you.  Here is to being you.