oh baby baby

it is Monday of baby week.  officially.  I held up his little going home outfit to Jim yesterday and said "there is going to be a PERSON in this by the end of this week."  a baby yes, to snuggle and feed and hold, but a person - to get to know, to help develop.  it is overwhelming in the very best sense.

my thoughts on a repeat scheduled C-section are conflicted, which is kind of ironic.  I chose a c-section the first time but since I went early, I never had time to be nervous or overthink my delivery choice.  My water broke at 12:45, my daughter came into the world at 3:25.  I have had a lot of anxiety over the surgery itself and the recovery.  I am very nervous, but I know that there is help around, I just need to be humble enough to ask for it if I need it.

So, just three full days remain between now and when I meet my baby.  I am trying my best to soak up every minute with Addie, who by the way, definitely knows something is up.  She has a baby boy that her great grandma sent her in preparation and she always says "baybay boy!" in this very Irish brogue way, it's hilarious.  She brings up the baby and says "yes" when we ask her if mommy is having a baby. 

I know people do this all the time but I am very very nervous to be away from her.  This will be the first night I have ever spent away and it kind of breaks my heart.  I told Jim last night that I wish she could be in the hospital with us from start to finish but of course, obviously she can't. 




 I have always loved fall and I absolutely am thrilled that both of my kids will have birthdays in the fall.  The changing leaves, pumpkins, apple cider, cooler temps and sweaters.  To me it is almost, if not more so, as magical as Christmas.  There are so many many good things to be thnkful for and look forward to, and while my anxiety is there, I don't want to lose sight of the good.  Of a healthy, stable pregnancy thus far - difficult though it has been, of celebrating two years with my daughter, and of course, bringing a new life into the world that will forever change and shape my family.  I am so very very blessed to carry this baby and I can't wait to meet him.

Happy Fall everyone.

Pregnancy Brain

For those out there that doubt if pregnancy brain is a real thing, I can attest to you it is.  

Yesterday I got this pumpkin syrup from Amazon and I was so excited to try it out this morning with my coffee to celebrate today being the first day of fall.  Only when I brewed my coffee this morning.... it was in a word, horrendous.  I can't even describe the taste to you.  I remembered reading reviews saying, "oh this is bitter, it doesn't even taste like pumpkin pie" etc. etc.  So, being the clever girl I am - I thought to myself "oh Bria, you put too much in" even though I had followed the directions exactly, I figured I had just put too much in for my taste.  So I remade my pumpkin spice latte with significantly less syrup and it was still really bad.

I immediately started planning my return to amazon and was so disappointed that I ended up not liking it.

Until my loving husband shouted from the other room "did you put something in this coffee?! It's horrendous, I can't even drink it"


That's when it clicked... in my nesting mode, I had descaled our Keurig brewer yesterday... which uses white vinegar... except I forgot to do the rinse cycle.  So I essentially brewed our coffee with white vinegar. dis-gusting.

Let me tell you folks, that taste stays with you for a while.  I was eventually able to get it "rinsed" but still, my first beverage of fall, was quite ruined.

About thirty seconds after the coffee debacle, I was making Jim lunch and found the peanut butter in the fridge... Let's all say a prayer this baby comes soon or else I might have to look into adult day care.

As for other news... someone decided to grow up recently.  Be still my heart.  

8 weeks left.

I am officially as of today, 31 weeks along.  If I go through with a scheduled C-section, the most time I have left is 8 weeks (ohmygoodness).  I am 5 weeks away from when I went into labor with Addie.  The end is coming and is so bittersweet.

I have just a week left of having all three kids nannying plus my own.  They start school the 18th and this will be the first time in a year I am not caring for them in some way, either getting them on the bus or off, or spending the day with them in the summer.  I am so grateful for the opportunity that was provided the last year and loved getting to invest in these kids.  I can't believe I'm not going to hear about their first days of school or hear the whining in the morning "I don't want to go today!" It is for the best of reasons, but it is bittersweet.  Honestly, I just keep reminding myself that even if we weren't adding to the family, keeping up with the schedule would have been too hard and I would have had to quit anyway.  In the summer, the dad drops the kids off at my house since he starts work at 7, but in the winter they have to catch the bus so I have to be at their house by 6:30.  Adelynn's sleep is super important and she just never really adapted to having to be up.

Speaking of Adelynn.  Over the past month she has grown up so much.  I was really having a tough time from about 17-21 months or so.  She was clingy and whiny, she didn't ever want to be alone, she needed to be held, she wouldn't listen, etc, etc.  She is doing so much better.  It's not like I think "well that stage is over, glad we won't ever see her be fussy again" but hey, it's ok to celebrate a good stage without constantly dreading what will change or become more difficult again.  She is so verbal and her imagination has really taken off.  She loves dancing, singing, feeding all of her stuffed animals and coloring.  I am so thankful that we have entered a new stage before baby boy came and am really looking forward to her becoming a big sister.

Speaking of boy.  Holy cow, those final nesting, hormone raging, uncomfortable moments are here.  I pretty much cry at the drop of a hat.  Saturday saw me breaking down because "we have no space for him and it's like he doesn't even exist!"  Jim just looked at me and was like "I don't even know what to do with you."  I am getting so so excited over meeting him, seeing his face for the first time, the chubby cheeks, the curled fists.... and I'm crying.  Getting to create a person is literally the greatest gift.  Having watched Adelynn grow and accomplish has put things in perspective and made this time all the sweeter.  I can't believe I am blessed enough to do it again.  I can't believe there is only 8 weeks left until I look at his face and say "oh it was you in there."  My final ultrasound is in less than two weeks... after that no more glimpses till he is here. 

Also sidenote, we did transition Addie to a big girl bed and I will have a post on how that went!

what i've returned to for maternity round 2.

I think the first time you are pregnant, it's such a shock and experience and honestly - your body has no idea what you are going through much less your mind so in terms of what you should buy, what you'll need to get through being pregnant, etc. it seems easiest to either buy almost nothing (the route I chose) or buy EVERYTHING MATERNITY IN SIGHT.  I was working my first time being pregnant, so using quite a few of my dresses as tunics and adding leggings and one pair of maternity black pants, I called myself set. 

This time around, I am nannying for the summer and I knew I would need to get some new things, I am not going to be chasing after 4 kids in freaking jeans in 90 degree weather, that's for sure.  I wanted to catalogue some new things that I have bought and also some of the good stuff from before that I just can't get enough of.

Aladdin Tumbler:  I got a "free" reusable liter water bottle from the hospital when I had A and used the crap out of that thing.  However, it has seen better days although I definitely still have it stashed up in my cupboard (I mean seriously a liter! Can't beat it!) this has become my go-to.  I have really sensitive teeth and have always preferred drinking from a straw as opposed to a cup.  I like this one the best because:

• it's straw has a little guard at the bottom to prevent over happy toddlers from pulling it out and running off with it
• its somewhat spill proof (water comes out through the straw but I can usually catch it before it's a disaster)
• it fits in my cup holder for when I'm driving
• dishwasher safe and sweatproof

Gap Supersoft Leggings: I used these my first pregnancy at the advice of some other mamas out there  and loved them but had a hard just time justifying the price.  Since then I have tried pretty much every brand of leggings out there and have never been truly satisfied.  I ordered a new pair and when I got these today I told my husband "the only way I can describe it is your first bite of filet mignon after eating nothing but hamburgers" BEST LEGGING hands down pregnant or not.  Yes, they are expensive for "leggings", do yourself a favor, get a coupon and get them.

H&M Mama Nursing Bra: I exclusively breastfed for 14 months with TWO (2!!) "regular" nursing bras (ie. not sports bras) Needless to say, I didn't really feel sexy just alternating between a patterned bra and tan bra.  I just kinda wrote it off as an unnecessary expenditure and hated all my bras and my time in them lol.  It's not.  When the ahem girls grew this time around, I knew it was time to invest in some bras but I HATE shopping in stores.  I saw a recommendation for this bra and seeing as how they are under 20 bucks I decided to try one.  They are great for the money and pretty comfortable (I mean for a bra ya know)- my only recommendation is size up (in cup and band size), at least in my experience, they seem to run a little small.

Old Navy Maternity Jersey-Stretch Tank: This is a leftover from my first pregnancy.  So comfortable, so soft, not sure why I bought any other tanks.  For the money, can't be beat.

Bath and Body Lavender Vanilla Pillow Mist: One side affect that I have is trouble sleeping/troubling dreams, etc. Like intense trouble sleeping.  One of the things that seems to help me is to have a ritual of doing the same things before sleep every night.  Spraying this on my pillows usually makes the list.  It smells divine and I do feel it at least mentally helps me relax - which is half the battle when trying to get to sleep.



So those have been my go-to's this pregnancy.  I am always curious though - what does everyone else love?

Also - I hope you all are getting ready to enjoy the weekend.  It's supposed to be gorgeous here all weekend long - I just hope my peanut is well enough to enjoy it!

How this pregnancy has differed from my first

hi baby

I really could sum this up with the thought: in every way.  However, I really wanted to expound on the idea as it is something I have given a great deal of thought to.  I HATED being pregnant the first time.  Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for my beautiful daughter and would have literally walked to hell and back to get her, but the pregnancy experience?  No thank you.  I thought it was a miserable, soul sucking experience filled with getting fat, bad skin, and just general uncomfortableness.  In fact, I found myself wishing for twins so I could get more kids with fewer pregnancies... 3 kids, only 2 pregnancies - win!

This pregnancy, has thankfully been different- which is funny.  Maybe it's because having a toddler makes you realize it's not all about you and your rounding hips and swollen belly, maybe it's because I have the knowledge of how limited our time on this earth is - much less our time carrying our babies in our belly, but regardless, it's been different.  I am cherishing the kicks and movement and growing belly and somehow the downsides (flatulence! swollen feet! breakouts!) seem pretty limited.  So I thought for futures sake when this is just a memory, I would categorize how this pregnancy differs from the last. 

Although this is touched on above, during Adelynn's pregnancy I was a nervous wreck .  I was constantly analyzing my chances of something being wrong (miscarriage! cystic fibrosis! down syndrome!) and found myself constantly expecting the worst.  I am happy to say that this pregnancy has been mostly free from that.  Of course the day before the first ultrasound I found myself a little uptight and trying to " prepare," but for the most part I have been settled mentally this pregnancy .  I'm not googling syndromes or diseases.  I expect to hear the heartbeat beating healthily when I go to my appointments and for the most part, I have just been relaxed.  I am hoping this continues into when I bring the baby home and it's all relaxation over here (CAN I HEAR A YEAH RIGHT!)

I attribute some of this to the fact that it's my second pregnancy and really the second time you do anything it is easier but also the fact that worrying has been my focus for about a year now.  It's nice to see the positive effect in my life, especially with something as important as my children.  Jim has really helped me work through my worrying but ultimately realizing if I want to shut it off, it's up to me.  Sometimes it's just a decision.

I am carrying differently.  First time I was pregnant I didn't really show until I was about seven months.  I am much more noticeably pregnant and carrying higher although I am still "low" at least in my perspective.

My cravings are different: first time around I am surprised A wasn't born with twizzlers pull-n-peel clutched in her tiny hands.  This time, it's been ALL DAIRY all the time and a lot of salads.  I have pretty much completely given up meat besides bacon and chicken.  I am thankful for my cravings this time but again, am not sure if it's just because subconsciously I am trying to eat healthier or if it really is just different this time.  (the DAIRY is definitely a pregnancy thing because good luck trying to get me to eat "raw" {ie not melted} cheese when I'm not pregnant.... not happening).

My emotions seem to be more in check or I am just more aware of them.  I have had a couple of teary breakdowns this pregnancy (DUH!) but instead of attributing it to the fact that "j doesn't love me anymore" I realize even in the midst of it, that it's just a hormone fluctuation and I most likely need to cry it out and get on with my life. 

I'm not sleeping as much.  There is this super embarrassing picture Jim took of me where I fell asleep on our family room carpet in the afternoon/early evening.  I mean hands curled up under me, mouth open, probably slightly snoring.  Even with keeping up with A, I am functioning best on about eight and a half hours a night and going to bed around 10 or so as opposed to falling asleep at 8:30 EVERY NIGHT!

The main difference this time around....

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!

and while the gender reveal really deserves it's own separate post.  I am not sure I will get there.  It was a very emotional day and since I was completely convinced it was a girl (!!!!) a shock for me.  Needless to say, we are so excited to start what feels like a new journey and cannot wait to meet our son (!!!) in a couple months. 


I am going to have a son.  With that thought, I am going to kick this blog for tonight and get my dinner - which in case you are curious - is a bowl of cheerios.

6 month postpartum update

ya'll.  it's time.  six months postpartum, and without further ado, here are the pics.  also please enjoy the awkward shots of my bedroom.

overall, i am pretty pleased.  since i already recapped my workout routines in this post, i am just going to give you the low down on what my experience was getting back into shape after birth and some things i forgot to mention.  

one) i really did my best not to stress about it at first.  trust me, the time to think about building muscle is not when you have postpartum blues, little to no sleep, and are recovering whether from birth or surgery.  those first couple of weeks, just focus on your little one and letting your body heal.  the weight comes off naturally especially if you breastfeed (which i HIGHLY recommend if at all possible).  just go in the with the expectation that even though you are not pregnant, you will still look 5 months pregnant for a little while, that's ok- it's natural.  what took nine months to build will not bounce back one day after giving birth.  and despite what our media tells us, getting back to your pre-baby jeans should not be your number one goal after birth.  bond with your baby, let yourself rest and recover and do your best not to stress (trust me, you'll have plenty of other stuff to worry about!!!)

two) a lot of people keep up their regular exercise routines during pregnancy and attribute that to their weight loss.  ya'll --- i did not keep up my fitness routine.  i went from running/working out semi-hardcore to just walking.  i didn't have any special medical complications that prevented me from exercising... other than the fact that oh yeah i was growing a human being.  pregnancy is not the time to stress about workouts.  however, i found that walking helped me just keep my moods somewhat level (although my husband may disagree) it got me outside and helped me stay a little more positive.  but i was not, i repeat not one of those girls running/lifting weights during pregnancy and that's ok.  

three) yes your body comes back, no not everything is the same.  for me, everything is mostly back to the way it was except there are a couple parts with a little cotton stuffing.  my lower abdominals and oddly enough my side/back ribs carry a little extra lovin.  time will tell to see if i completely lose this but in the mean time, i'm not worried.  i was for a while and then i thought to myself, eff it.  i look good, i feel good, i carried a freaking baby, let's rock this while i got it.  because trust me in 10 years - you'll probably wish for this body again.  

four) i am still 10 lbs off or so from what my pre-baby weight was, and that's ok.  i am working out consistently, i have muscle tone and i am still nursing exclusively.  i am letting it rest for now, of course i hope that with a regular running routine, i can one day reach that number again... but for now, i am letting it go.  be realistic and realize that even if you don't reach what your original goal was, you aren't failing.

five) listen to your husband/partner for support and compliments after birth.  you guys, giving birth no matter which way you do it... is not glamorous.  in fact, i would venture to say, it is probably one of the least glamorous things you will ever do in your life.  it's amazing and somewhat cool and you get a baby, so definitely worth it.  but it can leave you feeling a little deflated self-esteem wise.  i definitely felt that and i loved it/identified when giuliana rancic talked about the "momjo" in her show or basically just not losing that sexy post-baby.  again, it does come back.  you probably aren't going to feel terribly sexy three weeks out but give it some time.  once you feel comfortable leaving the baby, get yourself together, put on some makeup and go out with your husband, even if it's just for an hour or two.  j and i went out for the first time on our anniversary when little was about two months old.  just doing that was such a big step and helped me feel a little bit back to my old self.  you can still rock it with a baby, see below for proof.  love that gwen.

six) you guys, final piece of advice - try not to let it be your focus.  you get a baby.  a beautiful, precious human being that lived inside of you for nine months and now is out in the world.  if someone told me i had to hack off my nose in order to get her, i would do it gladly.