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8 weeks left.

I am officially as of today, 31 weeks along.  If I go through with a scheduled C-section, the most time I have left is 8 weeks (ohmygoodness).  I am 5 weeks away from when I went into labor with Addie.  The end is coming and is so bittersweet.

I have just a week left of having all three kids nannying plus my own.  They start school the 18th and this will be the first time in a year I am not caring for them in some way, either getting them on the bus or off, or spending the day with them in the summer.  I am so grateful for the opportunity that was provided the last year and loved getting to invest in these kids.  I can't believe I'm not going to hear about their first days of school or hear the whining in the morning "I don't want to go today!" It is for the best of reasons, but it is bittersweet.  Honestly, I just keep reminding myself that even if we weren't adding to the family, keeping up with the schedule would have been too hard and I would have had to quit anyway.  In the summer, the dad drops the kids off at my house since he starts work at 7, but in the winter they have to catch the bus so I have to be at their house by 6:30.  Adelynn's sleep is super important and she just never really adapted to having to be up.

Speaking of Adelynn.  Over the past month she has grown up so much.  I was really having a tough time from about 17-21 months or so.  She was clingy and whiny, she didn't ever want to be alone, she needed to be held, she wouldn't listen, etc, etc.  She is doing so much better.  It's not like I think "well that stage is over, glad we won't ever see her be fussy again" but hey, it's ok to celebrate a good stage without constantly dreading what will change or become more difficult again.  She is so verbal and her imagination has really taken off.  She loves dancing, singing, feeding all of her stuffed animals and coloring.  I am so thankful that we have entered a new stage before baby boy came and am really looking forward to her becoming a big sister.

Speaking of boy.  Holy cow, those final nesting, hormone raging, uncomfortable moments are here.  I pretty much cry at the drop of a hat.  Saturday saw me breaking down because "we have no space for him and it's like he doesn't even exist!"  Jim just looked at me and was like "I don't even know what to do with you."  I am getting so so excited over meeting him, seeing his face for the first time, the chubby cheeks, the curled fists.... and I'm crying.  Getting to create a person is literally the greatest gift.  Having watched Adelynn grow and accomplish has put things in perspective and made this time all the sweeter.  I can't believe I am blessed enough to do it again.  I can't believe there is only 8 weeks left until I look at his face and say "oh it was you in there."  My final ultrasound is in less than two weeks... after that no more glimpses till he is here. 

Also sidenote, we did transition Addie to a big girl bed and I will have a post on how that went!

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to my love,

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Dear Cavs,

Our playoff season started the day my five week old daughter, Elly, passed away, twelve days later my husband also died suddenly.
Your road to the finals, so fraught with emotion was also the start of a very difficult, seemingly impossible journey for me.

I started watching at game five... when we were down 3-1, I thought for sure that we would lose that game- when we won, all of a sudden- I cared.  When so many lights had gone out for me there was all of a sudden very small glimmer of hope and dare I say satisfaction possibly ahead.

It would have seemed from the circumstances that I shouldn't care whether we won or lost, so many things in my life didn't hold their meaning anymore- but I did.  I couldn't help it.  The enthusiasm was infectious.  These games gave  me hope.

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