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Farewell

When I gave birth to my son two weeks ago, I had no intention of being done with blogging.  I was going to come back, share his birth story, and continue on my journey of growing and expanding this blog.

However, I have become more and more at odds with the idea of sharing his birth story.  While most would just say "that's fine, skip it and just jump to the next post" it just doesn't feel right to me.  The world is changing, and while it seems overprotective to just pull everything... I don't feel at ease with posting anymore.  My babies are my life and I want them to be sheltered and protected for as long as possible, without everyone knowing what cute and funny or horrendous things they have done.  I wanted my blog to be my most authentic version of myself and if it can't be that, then I don't feel right about continuing to post.

There is also the time factor, with two kids, my time is precious.  I want to make sure I am investing in something that giv…

oh baby baby

it is Monday of baby week.  officially.  I held up his little going home outfit to Jim yesterday and said "there is going to be a PERSON in this by the end of this week."  a baby yes, to snuggle and feed and hold, but a person - to get to know, to help develop.  it is overwhelming in the very best sense.

my thoughts on a repeat scheduled C-section are conflicted, which is kind of ironic.  I chose a c-section the first time but since I went early, I never had time to be nervous or overthink my delivery choice.  My water broke at 12:45, my daughter came into the world at 3:25.  I have had a lot of anxiety over the surgery itself and the recovery.  I am very nervous, but I know that there is help around, I just need to be humble enough to ask for it if I need it.

So, just three full days remain between now and when I meet my baby.  I am trying my best to soak up every minute with Addie, who by the way, definitely knows something is up.  She has a baby boy that her great grandm…

Pregnancy Brain

For those out there that doubt if pregnancy brain is a real thing, I can attest to you it is.  
Yesterday I got this pumpkin syrup from Amazon and I was so excited to try it out this morning with my coffee to celebrate today being the first day of fall.  Only when I brewed my coffee this morning.... it was in a word, horrendous.  I can't even describe the taste to you.  I remembered reading reviews saying, "oh this is bitter, it doesn't even taste like pumpkin pie" etc. etc.  So, being the clever girl I am - I thought to myself "oh Bria, you put too much in" even though I had followed the directions exactly, I figured I had just put too much in for my taste.  So I remade my pumpkin spice latte with significantly less syrup and it was still really bad.

I immediately started planning my return to amazon and was so disappointed that I ended up not liking it.

Until my loving husband shouted from the other room "did you put something in this coffee?! It'…

How did we get halfway through September?

You guys.  Can I just take a moment and say that Adelynn is so good.  Like just such a good kid.  It is easy to get caught up in the hard things of toddlerhood, but overall she is so well behaved.  She rarely misbehaves in public, usually stays close to me when we are out, will sit (somewhat) patiently through my doctor's appointments with me, goes to sleep so well, is so gentle with our small dogs.  I could go on and on but it just makes my heart swell.  Sometimes I don't realize how good she is until I see other people's kids out in action (ya know i'm right!) and you see this wild hooligan running fifty thousand feet in front of their parents screaming like a banshee and just think "holy shit."



That being said.  Not much to report over here.  Tomorrow is my last day being pre-term and so in my head I am basically to term.  While an exciting feat, I have never made it this far before in pregnancy- so I am also like "WTF this gets super uncomfortable at…

a letter to addy.

this is it baby.  we are down to our last couple weeks just you and me.  I looked at your daddy today and I asked him if he thought you were ready.  he very seriously considered the question (as he does all my questions) and said yes, he thought you were.  although, I tend to be a worrier by nature, when I searched my heart, I knew I felt the same way.  I think you are ready.  in fact, in a lot of ways, you seem just as excited as I am to meet your baby brother.

when I washed and folded his clothes, I brought up the laundry basket from downstairs.  I asked you if you knew who the clothes were for and told you they were for your baby brother.  You did your new excited face that you are doing where your mouth opens real wide and you get all pumped about life.  you then went through all the clothes with me and exclaimed "cute cute!" over all your favorites. 

I know it's not going to be all sunshine and roses.  life never is, unfortunately.  but we only know sweet by knowi…

alive? yep. still pregnant? yep.

i feel like the only acceptable reason for such a long pause in blogging is that my baby came early.  he hasn't.  I am still pregnant.  however, my hubby did have last week off work and then the holiday weekend as well so we have spent the last ten days soaking up some of our last moments as a family of 3.  last year on his vacation we traveled to NC for half of the time.  while we had great moments visiting, it was so nice this year to do a "staycation" there are so many daily things that he misses out on with A.  It was neat to drag him along to all of our normal outings (zoo, library, ice cream, etc) and not miss naps, not deal with bedtime drama being out of the house, etc. etc.  Addy is a great traveler, but not a good sleeper on trips, so things can become real stressful, real fast.

anyways.  the past 10 days were great.  I have some pictures to share with you.  but alas, not on this post.  just picture lots of my little one smiling, me smiling because I had aweso…

ain't over till it's over baby.

I have seen a lot of "summer is ending!" "fall is here" posts.  While I am normally one of the first to jump on the fall bandwagon... this year I am sitting it out.  I am still in tank tops, soaking up the sun, still half-assing it with meals because "who wants to eat when it's 90 degrees out? let's have cereal." and still fully in the summer mind. 

For those with older kids, I know some schools started this week and are definitely starting by next week.  For my husband and I though, he took his vacation late (it will start this Friday after work!) and this is my last week nannying.  In that spirit, I am fully soaking up these last few weeks of our summer, an in between season if you will. 

Staying present in the moments that will wind up being our last as a family of three, paying attention to the new things my daughter is doing/saying every day, soaking up the last of the warm warm days before the cool air sets in (although, at least in Ohio, …

what being a mom has taught me about perfectionism

I am (was?) a bit of a perfectionist.  I think this title can mean a lot of different things to different people.  While I definitely wasn't the straight A's in school, leader of the cheer squad kind of perfect, I struggled with it in a different way. 

I never ever allowed myself to fail.

Can you see where this is going?  If I thought there was a chance at failure of something... I would sit it out.  I quit all sorts of things, horseback riding, karate, track.  While, given my coordination, I don't think I would have ever been a black belt, looking back I really wish I would have stuck with track.  I love running now and think my high school years could have been a lot more enjoyable had I had an outlet where I had fun, was physically active, and had some friends.  (that's a bit of a rabbit trail though).

The funny thing about being a mother is, you constantly fail, so just throw those ideas of perfect out the window at the beginning.  There have been times when I hav…

a few favorites

a huge storm just rolled in here, and although I am saying a silent prayer to the gods that our basement doesn't get any water in it (seriously right now our basement looks like hoarders... we are just out of room) something feels right about having the storm today.  it's a cozy day, addy is napping, and I am curled up on the couch with my ever present reminder of the baby boy.  we are rolling closer to his due date and while I can wax on emotional forever about it, I thought I would share a couple recent things that have been going through my head.

With Addy finally in her big girl room, the nursery is empty and looking pretty bare.  Most of the stuff is going to stay the same and I won't fully commit to a lot of things until we move but I have found myself wanting to pick up just a couple things for him.

constellation tapestry //  elephant changing pad cover //  elephant decal

I am really drawn to the idea of using constellations as inspiration for his room.  The universe…

8 weeks left.

I am officially as of today, 31 weeks along.  If I go through with a scheduled C-section, the most time I have left is 8 weeks (ohmygoodness).  I am 5 weeks away from when I went into labor with Addie.  The end is coming and is so bittersweet.

I have just a week left of having all three kids nannying plus my own.  They start school the 18th and this will be the first time in a year I am not caring for them in some way, either getting them on the bus or off, or spending the day with them in the summer.  I am so grateful for the opportunity that was provided the last year and loved getting to invest in these kids.  I can't believe I'm not going to hear about their first days of school or hear the whining in the morning "I don't want to go today!" It is for the best of reasons, but it is bittersweet.  Honestly, I just keep reminding myself that even if we weren't adding to the family, keeping up with the schedule would have been too hard and I would have had to …

currently.

hello.  seeing as it is Thursday and I can barely keep my eyes open at 1:18pm, I thought I would take a quick minute to just jot down what the eff is up since honestly... you all aren't getting some deep conversation/intellectual post this week.  I mean, let's have a round of applause that I got in two posts in a week.  (HOW DO MOMS HAVE TIME TO BLOG?!?!!?)


This week -

I was watching my baby's heart rate on the monitor at the hospital.  I fell (again).  It was actually one of those things where I was just immediately pissed at myself because hello how stupid and now I have to go to the hospital to be monitored.  It was actually a very casual affair with me waiting until Jim got home and then just driving myself.  Spoiler alert: everything was fine, my 21 month old just needs to keep her toys out of my way! (yeah right)

Searching for patience, and more sleep.  Hoping these will be combined one of these days.  Also ways to maximize our space while we try to make room for the…

lazy, hazy, crazy baby.

it's summer.  I am actually quit thrilled to see so many of my favorite bloggers taking a break.  It takes the pressure off a bit.  Everyone is out enjoying the weather, unplugging.  It feels nice to breathe the fresh air, have a glass of lemonade, enjoy family, friends, longer days, etc.

That being said, I am now in my seventh month of pregnancy and getting to that uncomfortable, when is he going to be out, pregnancy is so difficult stage.  Truly.  I keep reminding myself that no matter how difficult pregnancy is, it only becomes more so once they are out.

J and I took the plunge and joined our local gym with an annual membership this past weekend.  The biggest draw for us was the pool/aquatic center they have.  I am so so so excited about this.  We paid for a daily pass last week to take Adelynn swimming.  Later that night, she flopped on her belly in the tub and as she was squirming around and said "swimming, swimming."  It was pretty much decided then and there that …

Currently, struggles and wishes!

This post could probably be titled "Things I am struggling with" because right now I am.  I just seem to be in a funk and it's difficult to look at myself, know I am not fully enjoying life, and not know what to do to pull out of it.  I've analyzed and compiled and am left just unsure.  I am not sure if it's the progesterone shots I'm on (that's my likely guess) or just my hormones in general but overall I am left just wishing I was enjoying life a little more.  I am going to do my best to make sure the things in my control like: diet, sleep, and water aren't being ignored and go from there. 




That being said, as of today, we are officially 3 months away from baby boys due date.  It seems really far away and close at the same time.  I am starting to get to the uncomfortable phase where the belly is starting to be pretty big and twelve more weeks of growing seems.... well pretty unfeasible.  On the other hand, holy shit, 12 weeks MAXIMUM to go.  Ummm, …
It's Wednesday.  I'm a bit tapped for this week if I am going to be honest.  Addy started on the monitor at five am this morning and I woke up realizing I was in the exact same position that I fell asleep in last night, I didn't even get up to pee. 

That being said, this summer is sweet and full of hope and life and joy.  I have been struggling, struggling in a way of "jesus, this is the fifth freaking tantrum and the clock hasn't even hit 6:30 yet" "holy hell how can I be so mad at such a small human?" and struggling physically.  Adelynn is way more physical than I bargained for and is into climbing e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

That being said.  This summer is sweet.  I am overwhelmed and probably a bit underprepared for the biggest change that will take place in the nest few months but I have a boy that is kicking me every second of every day in my belly and I have a daughter that wraps her arms around me and when I do leave and come back gets so excited…

5 Quick Things

1.  I was lucky enough to be the guest blogger on Wifessionals and Happily Ever Rushed this week.  If you get a chance stop by and check out both blogs - they are great!

2.  Whew, I am six months in to this pregnancy and having a 20 month old is no joke guys.  The screaming... so much screaming.  I am trying to stay positive, on top of things, and just make light of what I can because... holy hell - that scream.

3.  Does anyone else feel in a rut with cooking?  In summer meal planning just goes out the window, ugh who feels like cranking the oven up to 400 when it's hot and muggy outside?

4.  I just really hope this is a good weekend, I have my fingers crossed - smooth sailing in the wiggle household.

5. 

ham, that's all I have to say about this.






what i've returned to for maternity round 2.

I think the first time you are pregnant, it's such a shock and experience and honestly - your body has no idea what you are going through much less your mind so in terms of what you should buy, what you'll need to get through being pregnant, etc. it seems easiest to either buy almost nothing (the route I chose) or buy EVERYTHING MATERNITY IN SIGHT.  I was working my first time being pregnant, so using quite a few of my dresses as tunics and adding leggings and one pair of maternity black pants, I called myself set. 

This time around, I am nannying for the summer and I knew I would need to get some new things, I am not going to be chasing after 4 kids in freaking jeans in 90 degree weather, that's for sure.  I wanted to catalogue some new things that I have bought and also some of the good stuff from before that I just can't get enough of.

Aladdin Tumbler:  I got a "free" reusable liter water bottle from the hospital when I had A and used the crap out of that …

wish list

although we haven't started house hunting yet (school loan problems can ya hear me!) and with the way things are looking it will probably be closer to the end of the year when we actually get to really get down to the bones of looking/buying/moving, I thought I would make a list of things I definitely WANT in our new house.  I am hoping to maybe do a somewhat regular series on our process of moving/buying/finishing things.  After 2 1/2 years renting this home - I have become very aware of some of it's ahem deficiencies.

1. a desk area.  this is crucial for me.  we have a laptop in our living room, stored under the couch and a printer balanced on top of a small filing cabinet in our eating area.  originally we thought we would make the second spare bedroom into an office, but that become our nursery when I got pregnant 3 months after we moved in...  I want a place to feel organized, store important papers, and if it happens, grow this business.  I am not big on working in bed, …

a sunny end to the week

just to sum up.  this week was rough.  emotionally and physically.  I have been dealing with a lot of issues that didn't hit until much later in my first pregnancy (like swelling and an incredible amount of lower back pain) I attribute much of this to just trying to keep up with my active toddler.  In addition, Adelynn had a rough time adjusting back (her schedule was thrown off completely in Baltimore, 10 pm bedtimes, morning naps, no afternoon naps... etc) and it was basically just a meltdown city for everyone this week.

but finally she slept for 12.5 hours last night and woke up smiling and with the exception of her hating the taste of her new allergy medicine, has been in good spirits since.  I got a half hour to myself this morning that I celebrated with some stretching, a pop tart and a cup of coffee, Jim is coming home for a half day and I am seeing a friend for lunch.  I think a relaxing day in the sun is going to be in order for everyone and I can't wait to kick star…

How this pregnancy has differed from my first

I really could sum this up with the thought: in every way.  However, I really wanted to expound on the idea as it is something I have given a great deal of thought to.  I HATED being pregnant the first time.  Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for my beautiful daughter and would have literally walked to hell and back to get her, but the pregnancy experience?  No thank you.  I thought it was a miserable, soul sucking experience filled with getting fat, bad skin, and just general uncomfortableness.  In fact, I found myself wishing for twins so I could get more kids with fewer pregnancies... 3 kids, only 2 pregnancies - win!

This pregnancy, has thankfully been different- which is funny.  Maybe it's because having a toddler makes you realize it's not all about you and your rounding hips and swollen belly, maybe it's because I have the knowledge of how limited our time on this earth is - much less our time carrying our babies in our belly, but regardless, it's been d…

currently

I wanted to get in this space and write, to pop in and say hello.  It's been a hectic week, my daughter is completely lovable, completely----- she is also extremely strong willed.  This age is difficult, as far as discipline, I am just trying to figure it out.  Her favorite things these days... biting and hitting when she doesn't get her way, throwing her dinner to the dogs, creating general mayhem and loving loving LOVING when I say "NO" I mean she finds it HILARIOUS.  I can't really think of anything more frustrating than looking at this tiny little irrational human who is LAUGHING when you are at the end of your rope.  I love love being a mom, but man, when six o clock hits.... I am exhausted and she is usually crying or getting ready to cry.   

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut totally not the point of me being on here.  I wanted to link up with OT and ET this week to catalogue what is going on.... holla!

I have been writing in my daily 365 journal which I LOVE.  If I don&#…

it's not about me.

a week ago or so jim asked me what I wanted for mother's day in a "what do you want to do for Mother's day" kinda way.  I asked for a couple hours to myself guilt free, to sleep in and some sort of breakfast.

see last year, my mother-in-law came into town for mother's day and so my weekend was filled with cleaning, cooking and planning - all while still caring for my seventh month old and feeling in general just crazy.  so in my mind I was fully engaged in a "I DESERVE A MOTHER'S DAY! I DO SO MUCH! SO SO SO MUCH!!! NO ONE EVEN KNOWS HOW MUCH I DO!"  and the like.  not a very flattering portrait of myself, but an accurate one.

however, life had other plans.  my poor babe came down sick on Saturday and slept horribly (goodbye sleeping in!) and refused to be peeled from my body for most of Sunday.  we basically were one skin.  I had laid her down for a nap at about one hoping she would go to sleep on her own for a bit and from the kitchen I hear "…

18 month photoshoot preview

holy shit, because I just can't help myself.







all images copyright Double The Love Photography

so much news

it's May first of all!
THANK GOD I finally see stuff that is green!


one.  I took a bad fall and broke my tailbone last Wednesday, ugh- thankfully baby was ok (confirmed after waiting 3 (THREE!) hours to see a doctor at the ER!)  a donut and Tylenol are rocking as my bff right now and it has been so so so hard not be active with Adelynn. 

two.  right now we are staying in our current house.  we will hopefully be buying in the next eight months or so! (oh my god such big news!) this is such a blessing and we are so looking forward to the next step

three.  let's see some current snap shots!

family shot before heading to our second ultrasound!
this just cracks me up, it's from a game where we nanny at
spring has come!
look at that girl, sitting like a boss at one of my doctor's appointments! so well-behaved!
baby(s) and mama, this is like five weeks old, so not a current belly pic at all

overall, this injury has knocked me on my ass.  I am tired, grumpy, and very sore.  b…

Randoms for the end of March

I am posting from my phone so excuse any typos (which there will be) and the general lack of photos or cohesiveness.


It's the end of March. We have two inches of snow on the ground, my heart is breaking a little right now.  That being said Bed Bath and Beyond is a great place to take a cooped up toddler, seriously.  Not only do they have fun inexpensive treats like bubbles but if you hang out on the sheets and pillows side there are endless things to look at but nothing breakable on her level.

I got my Girl Scout cookies today, a saving grace.

My daughter gets funnier and funnier every day.  I love that she does things to make us laugh and has all this energy.  She gets so much joy out of each moment and it's awesome being able to witness that.

My nannying job is up in the air right now.  Unfortunately it's been messing up adelynn's schedule for a long time and after weeks of no naps and four am wake ups my husband and I agreed something needed to change.  Not sure wha…

a letter to a.

dear daughter,

oh my goodness.  you are turning 17 months old in four days.  just a month shy of a year and a half old. 

you are so intentional with your love now.  when you wake up in the morning (inevitably screaming as any time left in your crib alone is too long) the first thing you do when I pick you up is say "hug hug" then "daddy, hug" wanting me to bring you into our room for some snuggles.  we lay in our bed and you say hi to everyone "weo, hug hug, cookie, hug hug, daddy, hug hug, mommy, hug"  but you never really leave my arms.  you are always giving me and your dad hi fives, kisses, and hugs. 

you know all the names of those closest to you, granddad and bobbie, gigi and papa, nana and grandpa, tyty, you ask to see ty on the days we aren't nannying but seem to understand when I explain when we will see him next.  you are ok being left with others to watch over you, reading books and playing just fine when I tell you mommy will be back. 

just a mom.

when I first started staying at home, I was really uncomfortable with the idea of being "just a stay at home mom" I was used to earning an income, used to having an identity outside of the home.  So I started a baby headband business on etsy, after all what else was I going to do with all this extra time while the baby napped? (KICKING MYSELF NOW... WHAT THE HECK!)

Needless to say, my business failed, I was at best a poor imitation of some great,

great baby headbands out there.  Plus every time I put them on my little... they just seemed uncomfortable.  Plus she got older, I started nannying and that free time I slowly whittled away and I put my business ideas to rest.

I am at a point where I am comfortable being "just a stay at home mom."  I truly believe that the most important thing I can poor my energy into these days is my toddler who demands most of it.  I don't want to be ashamed of staying at home or raising my daughters.  However, I also don't wan…

hello hallo!

January is over over over on Friday at midnight!  And although I am all about staying present present present, I am excited to welcome February.

Although February is kind of a trickster, because you think to yourself "it will be nicer" and it never ever is.... it does have the following positives:

it's shorter
it has Valentine's Day (I LAOVE Valentine's Day up in here! yes yes yes, red hearts! cookies! chocolate! bring it on!
it's shorter
march follows it


things have been rough around the edges.  I find myself saying "ADELYNN!" in that sharp tone of voice I thought I would never ever do more often than I care to admit.  I have to remind myself that my toddler isn't doing things just to spite me.  Like when I've made her three separate dinners and she throws my organic ground beef to the dogs...  or when she repeatedly tries to rip out the TV cords... or stand on furniture... or SCREAM at the top of her lungs when for god's sake I am just…

toddler tantrums... err favorites.

hello toddlerhood.

how nice of you to join us in the dead of winter, in ohio, where there is just too too too many options for us to get out and about.

okay, enough sarcasm.  yes this winter has been/is difficult and I may or may not feel like I am currently an inpatient in an asylum, but I wanted to do a quick post and share what I feel is a true treasure trove.  and that is the following recipe


Banana/Spinach Smoothie:

half a bananahandlful of spinachtablespoon of peanut buttersplash of whole milk throw everything together and blend blend blend.  adelynn literally EATS THIS UP.  she LOVES it.  I've tried different smoothie recipes with her and none have had the success that this one has.  I think it is the peanut butter as she sniffs every smoothie I make and only really drinks this one.  plus I love that she is getting all the health benefits but especially the RAW SPINACH!








 I make this in our nutribullet in the short size cup which proves to be the perfect size for her but it c…

hesitancy.

I started this blog almost a year ago and it has definitely not lived up to what I was planning for it.  I was envisioning a source of income, an outlet, and a way to make friends.  However, this does come at a trade-off.  I am not a fashion blogger and haven't been able to master being a cooking blogger although I would love to.  I don't to great with pictures and haven't been consistent in my posting.  A large online presence comes at a trade-off.  I have struggled this year with giving strangers an intimate view at my day and my daughter's day.  I don't know exactly what the right parameters to establish are and I am not sure where this blog is going to go.

I'm not ready to give up on it though and I am hoping to carve out some time and space to work on this little online presence and develop it, hopefully into something meaningful both for myself and for others (hello run-on sentence!).  Bear with me as I aim to do this but in the meantime...



here is what …