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Showing posts from May, 2013

carry on warrior, my thoughts

recently i finished carry on warrior by glennon melton.  i am enjoying getting back into reading and thought it would be fun to start some book posts, if for no other reason than to remember what i thought about them and truths i may have come across.

let me start by saying, i wanted to like to this book, really really wanted to.  i haven't been a follower of glennon's blog but downloaded the free sample on my kindle after seeing her/the book pop up quite a bit recently and was intrigued.  and it starts off pretty good.  although not my exact brand of philosophy, i found myself identifying in part and enjoying her stories.

on amazon there is review after review about how uplifting this book is... and that is where, for me, things kinda fell apart.  she tells story after story about how frustrated/exasperated/AT THE END OF HER ROPE she is with her kids and instead of my inner monologue identifying along and being like "so true glennon, motherhood is hard!  what funny momen…

little things

(1) i forgot how good graceland is.  love love love that album.

(2) "She and I have shared the same body. There is a part of her mind that is a part of mine. But when she was born she sprang from me like a slippery fish, and has been swimming away ever since. All her life, I have watched her as though from another shore." Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club 

hearbreakingly perfect. i am dying to read this book and wondering if i can make it to my next library trip.  even within that, my favorite line is "sprang from me like a slippery fish, and has been swimming away ever since" that line brings tears to my eyes.  motherhood is such a gift, one that is best not held too tightly for fear of damaging the gift.

(3) i have decided on a new tattoo!!  still waiting on inspiration to strike with my daughters (tattoo in memory of her, not getting my 7 month old tattooed)

(4) long weekend and boy do we need it around here.  long week for my hardworking hubby.  cannot wait to relax with…

fantasy vs. reality

as previously mentioned in this post, i have been entering the HGTV smart home giveaway... every day.  this takes me approximately two minutes to complete every day, which has translated into about 1.5 hours when it is all said and done.

1.5 hours is a lot of time to day dream about winning.

the house is located in florida and i have this secret fantasy in my head where we win and move to florida (someplace the husband and i have NEVER wanted to live) but moving is all in this master plan and we end up LOVING it.  also florida is a hot spot for bloggers, so i end up becoming bff's with

kelle from bloom


and glennon from momastery


(i think they need a blonde friend, don't you?)

and then because we have to move to florida and get new jobs (well the husband does, my job remains taking care of the baby - i would get a book deal (awesome!) and we would never have to worry about money again and also we would get to swim WHENEVER WE WANT! (a huge deal for a native ohioan).

what's…

mastectomy

last tuesday, angelina jolie announced in a new york times op-ed feature that she has undergone a preventative double mastectomy because she carries a brca gene.

my mom was diagnosed with (advanced stage 3 or 4) breast cancer at 32, when i was 1.  she beat it and lived for seven more years before dying at 39, when i was 8.  my mom's death has (obviously) had a lifelong influence on me.  in many ways, i am only now understanding and overcoming the immense grief as i experience it anew as a mother.  parenthood changes everything, even things you thought you processed long ago.  as i am watching my daughter grow, it brings to the surface how much i really and truly miss my mom.

when you are little, you look at your parents as superhuman.  being able to overcome anything.  i remember repeatedly asking my mom to marry me when i was young because i couldn't imagine ever loving someone as much as i loved her.  you then enter the teenage years, think your parents know nothing, and th…

bleh

the weather here in ohio has been extreme lately.  we had 30s on monday and it is hitting 80 today. and for some reason the weather seems to reflect my mood swings (lucky hubby!).  
this past weekend was my first official mother's day as my little was still a bean last year.  and while i was eternally thankful all day for being a mom and definitely filled with joy over my family... i was also exhausted.  my m-i-l came into town for the weekend and thus cleaning, hosting, and cooking was my go-to over the weekend.  and it was a lovely time and very appreciated by all and the company was enjoyed... but it wasn't exactly relaxing.  throw in the fact that little is cutting her top teeth (OHEMGEE WHERE IS TIME GOING!) and she notoriously awakens ALL the time for night feedings during teething has left me going into this week exhausted, frantic, and a little emotional.
a lot of me recently has found myself wishing we lived in a different time.  some of my favorite books growing up w…

just because.

Happy Mother's Day to Everyone.  
and to my little bean, thank you for choosing me as your mom, i love you to the moon and back.
xoxox, your momma

chutzpah

i will do almost anything to avoid confrontation.  with others, i will lie, pay more for an item.  to avoid it within myself, well there's drinking for that.

it is almost a disease, avoiding confrontation.  in my mind/heart, etc it feels like if i can avoid the confrontation and just get over whatever is bothering me, everything will be okay again.  i do it with everyone but the person it impacts the most is my spouse and eventually it will impact my kids.  i am so sensitive and have such a difficult time dealing with other's anger or not even anger, just unpleasant emotions, that i will do almost anything to avoid it.


the hubby and i are watching seinfeld from the beginning and this clip really struck me.  besides being hilarious (which it is) what struck me is that elaine has some chutzpah.  i couldn't help but be a little jealous when i watched this.  in fact, most of the characters on seinfeld are confrontational when the situation arises for it, even nice guy jerry.  …

half written.

i have a lot of half written posts.  writing down my life and what has been happening lately (it's been a lot).  but i can't say i have any real interest in finishing them...

as previously mentioned, my husband and i got married pretty quickly, as in less than five months.  and during those five months you would have thought i was waiting five years "ohmygosh i am soreadytobemarried already!!!" now i look back on that time and i wish i would have enjoyed it.  our somewhat crazy nights out (we were in the process of toning it down as we settled into coupledom), my cruise with my best friend that has ended up being my last friend vacation for a while, our lazy saturday afternoons coupled with nights out to dinner.

sometimes it's easy to look back and think "oh we were so in love then" because of course we were.  and it's probably safe to say, i didn't experience quite the same level of frustration with him that i do at times now.  but the truth o…