half written.

i have a lot of half written posts.  writing down my life and what has been happening lately (it's been a lot).  but i can't say i have any real interest in finishing them...

as previously mentioned, my husband and i got married pretty quickly, as in less than five months.  and during those five months you would have thought i was waiting five years "ohmygosh i am soreadytobemarried already!!!" now i look back on that time and i wish i would have enjoyed it.  our somewhat crazy nights out (we were in the process of toning it down as we settled into coupledom), my cruise with my best friend that has ended up being my last friend vacation for a while, our lazy saturday afternoons coupled with nights out to dinner.

sometimes it's easy to look back and think "oh we were so in love then" because of course we were.  and it's probably safe to say, i didn't experience quite the same level of frustration with him that i do at times now.  but the truth of the matter is, it was just simpler then.  life was more simple, no kid, separate bank accounts, buying a house and moving was not on our mind.  but "more simple" doesn't mean "more in love" and something needs to be said for the love that endures the complications of life.  that's why love has to grow, you cannot love your husband now as much as you did on your wedding day.  it's safe to say that if you do, your marriage is in trouble, because it has to grow.  just to keep up with the changes you experience, your family experiences.  love has to develop to encompass the struggles and the joys that life brings.  it's safe to say our life was more simple then, but the depth of joy that i experienced at that time is no where near what i have experienced now, especially as i have added motherhood to the mix.

part of me is wanting to get bogged down in the stress we are facing now.  health, finances, it's all there, waiting for me to dwell in it.  but i am doing my best to force myself to remember that our life is only going to get more complicated.  my daughter's problems will turn into things i can't solve just by rocking her, we'll have even more complicated finances as we add a mortgage into the mix, we'll face aging parents, hopefully we'll add another baby into the mix.  there will only be more threads woven in, more ends that will need tied up, so heart treasure this time.  these simple days that you spend in your rental with the baby that you love so dearly.  treasure the simple love that you have for your husband, knowing in ten years, it will be completely transformed into something even deeper.  know that the trials and stress will not go away but as you endure them, they will eventually allow you to experience deep, deep joy as you develop.

"in three words i can sum up everything i've learned about life 'it goes on'" Robert Frost.

time stops for no man, be grateful little heart for right now.

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