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bleh

the weather here in ohio has been extreme lately.  we had 30s on monday and it is hitting 80 today. and for some reason the weather seems to reflect my mood swings (lucky hubby!).  

this past weekend was my first official mother's day as my little was still a bean last year.  and while i was eternally thankful all day for being a mom and definitely filled with joy over my family... i was also exhausted.  my m-i-l came into town for the weekend and thus cleaning, hosting, and cooking was my go-to over the weekend.  and it was a lovely time and very appreciated by all and the company was enjoyed... but it wasn't exactly relaxing.  throw in the fact that little is cutting her top teeth (OHEMGEE WHERE IS TIME GOING!) and she notoriously awakens ALL the time for night feedings during teething has left me going into this week exhausted, frantic, and a little emotional.

a lot of me recently has found myself wishing we lived in a different time.  some of my favorite books growing up were little house on the prairie  

part of me still wishes we lived in that time.  it sucks that my family spends 40+ hours a week being separated.  so much of me wishes my husband could just stay home.  although i love being a SAHM so much of me is missing that it is almost hard to fully engage myself with her.  my fuse is shorter and it shows.  on the weekends, when the whole family is together - the unit functions totally different.  it's literally almost like we are missing our engine while he is at work.  

on top of that you throw in the state of the world and i just can't say i am thrilled with raising a child in this time.  of course, there is no alternative - besides getting super rich and buying an island somewhere.  but one can't disengage completely and so we are left muddling through, doing the best with the resources at hand.  but i think there will always be a part of me that wishes for a simpler time.

in other news, i stopped especially to buy whole fat plain yogurt for my little today and of course had to spend an inordinate amount of time comparing brands and containers, finally decided, paid for it, got all the way home and realized i grabbed french vanilla.  mothereklfjkfsljlk.  niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

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they were depressed for a long time and finally went through with it
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dreams.

to my love,

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Dear Cavs,

Our playoff season started the day my five week old daughter, Elly, passed away, twelve days later my husband also died suddenly.
Your road to the finals, so fraught with emotion was also the start of a very difficult, seemingly impossible journey for me.

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