oh baby baby

it is Monday of baby week.  officially.  I held up his little going home outfit to Jim yesterday and said "there is going to be a PERSON in this by the end of this week."  a baby yes, to snuggle and feed and hold, but a person - to get to know, to help develop.  it is overwhelming in the very best sense.

my thoughts on a repeat scheduled C-section are conflicted, which is kind of ironic.  I chose a c-section the first time but since I went early, I never had time to be nervous or overthink my delivery choice.  My water broke at 12:45, my daughter came into the world at 3:25.  I have had a lot of anxiety over the surgery itself and the recovery.  I am very nervous, but I know that there is help around, I just need to be humble enough to ask for it if I need it.

So, just three full days remain between now and when I meet my baby.  I am trying my best to soak up every minute with Addie, who by the way, definitely knows something is up.  She has a baby boy that her great grandma sent her in preparation and she always says "baybay boy!" in this very Irish brogue way, it's hilarious.  She brings up the baby and says "yes" when we ask her if mommy is having a baby. 

I know people do this all the time but I am very very nervous to be away from her.  This will be the first night I have ever spent away and it kind of breaks my heart.  I told Jim last night that I wish she could be in the hospital with us from start to finish but of course, obviously she can't. 

 I have always loved fall and I absolutely am thrilled that both of my kids will have birthdays in the fall.  The changing leaves, pumpkins, apple cider, cooler temps and sweaters.  To me it is almost, if not more so, as magical as Christmas.  There are so many many good things to be thnkful for and look forward to, and while my anxiety is there, I don't want to lose sight of the good.  Of a healthy, stable pregnancy thus far - difficult though it has been, of celebrating two years with my daughter, and of course, bringing a new life into the world that will forever change and shape my family.  I am so very very blessed to carry this baby and I can't wait to meet him.

Happy Fall everyone.

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