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hello hallo!

January is over over over on Friday at midnight!  And although I am all about staying present present present, I am excited to welcome February.

Although February is kind of a trickster, because you think to yourself "it will be nicer" and it never ever is.... it does have the following positives:

it's shorter
it has Valentine's Day (I LAOVE Valentine's Day up in here! yes yes yes, red hearts! cookies! chocolate! bring it on!
it's shorter
march follows it

things have been rough around the edges.  I find myself saying "ADELYNN!" in that sharp tone of voice I thought I would never ever do more often than I care to admit.  I have to remind myself that my toddler isn't doing things just to spite me.  Like when I've made her three separate dinners and she throws my organic ground beef to the dogs...  or when she repeatedly tries to rip out the TV cords... or stand on furniture... or SCREAM at the top of her lungs when for god's sake I am just trying to wipe YOUR LUNCH FROM YOUR FACE.

but life right now is good.  at this time last year, Jim and I's relationship had taken a major hit from adding a child.  It was not an easy transition.  I went from my whole sense of self being defined at work and going out, etc to taking care of a tiny human full time and not working outside the home.  We had trouble communicating, lots of trouble and winter doesn't help any.  It is a breathe of fresh air to be on the same page this year.  We have had a lot of extraneous matters pop up this month that have been outside our control and at the end of the day we have found our comfort and hope in each other.  It's not a bad place to be at.  I am so thankful to have a partner, to have my person.  To look at someone at the end of the day and know that in five minutes, five years, twenty years, that's who I will be looking at. 

Yesterday I told Jim "when Adelynn is grown and married and has kids of her own we will still have each other." It's a sobering thought in more ways than one, my baby who takes up all of my free time now will move on and move out, Jim and I will be left with the foundation that we built and I don't want to be left with a stranger then.  It is part of the reason it is so important to me to keep my relationship strong.  We will eventually only have each other again.  So you have to build this force, flexible enough to handle these outside forces that demand all of your skill and strong enough to just be comfortable with the two of you.

And because this was a total tangent of thought that I wasn't planning on, hello rabbit trail.  I will leave you of a pic of my cutie, cutie, cutie pie, who I should mention, at just shy of 16 months is giving the best fucking hugs you could ask for.  I mean these hugs could bring peace to just about any conflict.  I just stand there and hold this lanky little girl who has her still chubby hands wrapped around my neck and breathe in the scent of aquaphor and eucerin and my eyes tear and my heart stops for that moment. 

sleeping beauty who passed out at Christmas dinner.  lololol.


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Our playoff season started the day my five week old daughter, Elly, passed away, twelve days later my husband also died suddenly.
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