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I started this blog almost a year ago and it has definitely not lived up to what I was planning for it.  I was envisioning a source of income, an outlet, and a way to make friends.  However, this does come at a trade-off.  I am not a fashion blogger and haven't been able to master being a cooking blogger although I would love to.  I don't to great with pictures and haven't been consistent in my posting.  A large online presence comes at a trade-off.  I have struggled this year with giving strangers an intimate view at my day and my daughter's day.  I don't know exactly what the right parameters to establish are and I am not sure where this blog is going to go.

I'm not ready to give up on it though and I am hoping to carve out some time and space to work on this little online presence and develop it, hopefully into something meaningful both for myself and for others (hello run-on sentence!).  Bear with me as I aim to do this but in the meantime...

here is what we've been up to.

had one year photos taken

celebrated Christmas (ahh no pictures yet!) but this was the best and most magical Christmas ever.  my little jelly bean was so overwhelmed when she came down the stairs and saw all the presents.  I don't think she knew what to think but then she saw some blocks and was like "oh cool I get to play with this!" we stayed home for the first time ever and it was wonderful.  I wore leggings all day, we chowed down on monkey bread, coffee, a Christmas ham and mimosas.  My parents stopped by for a couple hours and dropped off our gifts, the wagon was a huge hit with Adelynn. 

made resolutions for the new year.  I have a lot of new years resolutions and I have always enjoyed making my lists and striving to be intentional with my year.  I post my list on the refrigerator and keep track of my goals.  But my main theme for this year is getting to know myself and being ok with it.  I almost want to make a cute wall hang of "Be Yourself" and I know it is so sesame street, but I am 26 and a mom and I don't want this insecurity hanging about any longer.  I want to inspire Adelynn to always be ok with herself whether she loves tattoos or hates them, whether she gets married or stays single, if cats and singing are her thing awesome, if she is more into grunge music and skateboarding - that's cool too.  I am doing nothing for the world, myself, and most importantly, my family but letting doubt in.  Last year I talked worry this year- it's self doubt.  Jim always says to me that I constantly underestimate myself and what I can do.  I resolve to work on this.

enjoying my family - having kids seriously speeds up your life.  one minute you are looking at this tiny little newborn with curled fists and closed eyes and the next thing you know they are walking around, screaming, dancing, just in general having a kick ass time with their life.  My daughter enjoys her life so fully and I want to be just like that.  I spend/spent so much time worrying about things and (soapbox moment) life is SHORT.  Things are flying by faster than anything.  The twenties are a rough stage, you are figuring yourself out, figuring life out, At the start of this decade I was unattached, still in school with no bills or worries, halfway through I had a husband, a household, and a kid!  It's a lot and there are tons of changes, so it's best to just buckle up and enjoy it while you can!


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treat it.

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that person is selfish
that person is crazy
that person is a coward
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they were depressed for a long time and finally went through with it
there are always warning signs, so people know it's coming
that it's preventable

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to my love,

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Dear Cavs,

Our playoff season started the day my five week old daughter, Elly, passed away, twelve days later my husband also died suddenly.
Your road to the finals, so fraught with emotion was also the start of a very difficult, seemingly impossible journey for me.

I started watching at game five... when we were down 3-1, I thought for sure that we would lose that game- when we won, all of a sudden- I cared.  When so many lights had gone out for me there was all of a sudden very small glimmer of hope and dare I say satisfaction possibly ahead.

It would have seemed from the circumstances that I shouldn't care whether we won or lost, so many things in my life didn't hold their meaning anymore- but I did.  I couldn't help it.  The enthusiasm was infectious.  These games gave  me hope.

I watched as you won game five and game six and I'll never forget seeing Kyrie on the bench after six holding up his seven fingers.... Here we go.

I almost regretted getting invested as I …