Skip to main content


FYI: toddlers eat a lot more if you let them have a picnic, no constraints.  That's a quesadilla outside btw.
I wanted to get in this space and write, to pop in and say hello.  It's been a hectic week, my daughter is completely lovable, completely----- she is also extremely strong willed.  This age is difficult, as far as discipline, I am just trying to figure it out.  Her favorite things these days... biting and hitting when she doesn't get her way, throwing her dinner to the dogs, creating general mayhem and loving loving LOVING when I say "NO" I mean she finds it HILARIOUS.  I can't really think of anything more frustrating than looking at this tiny little irrational human who is LAUGHING when you are at the end of your rope.  I love love being a mom, but man, when six o clock hits.... I am exhausted and she is usually crying or getting ready to cry.   

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut totally not the point of me being on here.  I wanted to link up with OT and ET this week to catalogue what is going on.... holla!

I have been writing in my daily 365 journal which I LOVE.  If I don't like the question for the day I just jot a little note about what's going on.  I am so excited to look back in a couple years and see what was up, especially as my family grows!  I am also diligently writing in my weekly pregnancy journal.  When I had Adelynn, I sent out a weekly email but never compiled them and am missing some weeks.  I am doing this one handwritten so I can give it as a gift to my baby when he/she is older. 

I haven't been visiting anyone yet, but we are gearing up for a family trip to Baltimore and a GENDER REVEAL!  Yes, I ordered cupcakes with a colored filling and cannot wait cannot wait cannot wait to let the cat out of the bag about what is in this belly.  It has been so great being pregnant a second time.  When I was pregnant the first time, I was literally a ball of nerves just thinking something was going to go wrong at every turn, trying to plan out EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and OH MY GOD you can't.  It was a stressful experience and I spent a great deal of time worrying about what things could go wrong and wondering "will I get back to my pregnancy size? what if I look like this for ever?!"  It's been so nice to just settle into this pregnancy and enjoy most if not all of the moments.  In the span of life, pregnancy is so short, so it's nice to just relish my changing body, the kicks, and the knowledge that a teeny tiny baby is growing in my body.  HOW AWESOME DUDE!

Learning: This relates back to the first, but I am still learning how to be the best mom for Chewkie.  It's the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done and I just want to do it well.  I think this will be a lifelong lesson that I will have to learn and relearn with every child.

I have been wanting just a lot of stuff.  We went through a period where we couldn't buy ANYTHING and I feel like I am just still flying high off of "wow we can afford stuff again!"  Bleh, I need to cut back at looking/shopping on my phone which has definitely been a downside of having a smart phone again.  SO MANY ADS ALL THE TIME!

I am loving taking some time for myself and just working on some updates.  I got fresh highlights, painted my toenails, and have recovered my couch pillows which gave my living room such a LIFT.  It's so happy in there now that some of the brown is being lifted by the happy turquoise and jungle green!

ALSO: coming up, a new bloggy blog facelift!  Erin from Love, Fun and Football has been diligently working away on a makeover for me.  She is AWESOME to work with and in my opinion underprices herself!  Fun fact, we were in the same art class at college together!

SOOO everyone, enjoy your (hopefully) 3 day weekend, enjoy a beer (for me!), and hopefully let the sunshine in!!


Popular posts from this blog

treat it.

to everyone who has never been touched by suicide,

i get it.  i used to be like you too.  here are the most common views of suicide i either heard or personally held growing up:

that person is selfish
that person is crazy
that person is a coward
they wanted to die
they were depressed for a long time and finally went through with it
there are always warning signs, so people know it's coming
that it's preventable

there is this social stigma around depression, suicide, etc.  i can't tell you what it is like to not be able to talk openly about my husband's death.  to see people either openly or privately distance themselves from my pain, search for reasons that he did it beyond the fact that he was ill and we didn't catch it in time, connect dots that aren't connected.  all so they can convince themselves that they will never know the pain, and i honestly hope they don't- but it's possible they will.  i know people whose lives…

life we expect over life we're given

one of the undying truths i have discovered through this process is that few of us live the life we imagine.  sure, some do.  but most have speed bumps thrown their way throughout life.  whether it's a divorce or death or financial insecurity, many start over, many rebuild, many take stock throughout their thirties, forties, fifties and think "well this isn't where i thought i would be"

granted... all things considered, mine is more tragic than most.  even outside of these most recent events my life has seen its fill of trying circumstances.  by the age of eight i had seen abuse and death in my family.  not exactly what you would hope for, but certainly it has given me the coping mechanisms i have now.  

as i navigate these next steps, the great unknown, there are many that have opinions and voices into my life.  everyone wants what's best for me and everyone has their own idea of what that is.
people... i don't even know what that is.  but i know what i want…

dating in 2016, also huge LOL at even posting this.

Half of me can’t even believe I am writing this post.  Dating is gruesome, isn’t it?  Like most of life, I suppose.
The weekend that Jim died I was standing there, a wreck, while my phone was blowing up.  Alayne goes “who is texting you so much?”
I respond “oh those are just my tinder matches” 
and I know that not everybody gets the hilarity and all I can say is until you are in the fire, you don’t see the need for a respite from getting burned.
anyways, i was talking to my therapist about dating and i commented “single, widowed mom, sole custody of two kids… it’s a tough sell” and it is.  
i have this story that literally leaves people speechless.  most people when they hear it don’t even really know how to interact with me much less get involved romantically.  and i know eventually it won’t be such a big part of my identity, this widowed, grieving mom, but right now it is and if i want anything to do with the person then it’s like they have to know it.  
again, it’s a tough sell.