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I wanna talk about my days as a youth to you
Exposing you to all my demons and the reasons I'm this way
I would like to paint a picture, but it'll take more than a day
It would take more than some years to get all over all my fears
Preventing me from letting you see all of me perfectly clear
The same wall that's stopping me from letting go and shedding tears
From the lack of having father, and the passing of my peers
While I'm too scared to expose myself
It turns out, you know me better than I know myself


(when j. cole hits it better than you could)



to bria at 22,

hey girl- whew i am glad you don't know what's coming your way.  girl, you'd be running.  i wish life held different cards for you.  you are a bit of a lot of a little in a way.  your going to have a meltdown because jim won't try your first christmas dish because he hates cauliflower and you made him cauliflower mashed potatoes.  you two have a lot of learning to do about each other.  actually, you probably haven't even met him yet when i'm writing this.  well, it probably does no good, knowing myself you would probably disregard my advice anyway and do what you want.  

you are lost still girl, and you stay that way for a long time.  alayne doesn't even recognize you right now, she's worried about you.  i think everyone kind of is.  on christmas eve, you spent the whole night fighting back tears because you were so depressed.  that depression weighs heavy on you, your first year of marriage.  jim comes home more than once to you having a panic attack.  he sees you through it though, he loves you girl.  you can trust him.  

i'm happy to say you come out the other side.  i'm sad to tell you the circumstances that it takes to build your strength.  

your kids are the most beautiful and challenging thing you will ever see.  you're going to end up being a single mom.. bet you didn't see that one coming?  yeah...  it's a bit.  

you hurt a lot of people.  a lot of people.  there is a tornado aspect to your personality that just can't help herself sometimes.  a lot of people hurt you unfortunately, in that tornado is the eye of the storm of course.  it can be wounded.  don't stop letting yourself be wounded though, don't lose touch with the humanity of the situation.  don't lose touch with yourself, keep your pulse on what moves you.  

and girl, your lessons are learned with absolute brutality.  don't make life teach them twice.

love,
bria at 29

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