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live in the same building, but we got different views.

in the peaks of community isolation exists.


you know what i do when i see a homeless person standing by the side of the road?  I ignore it, stare straight ahead, pretend I don't see them.  I DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR PAIN.  this has been on my mind a lot recently, probably because i know what it feels like when others refuse to acknowledge the scars you have and it blows.  

i saw a post on Facebook about putting together bags, just a glad ziploc with socks, soap, toothbrush, maybe a granola bar and a bottled water.  keep 4-5 in your car and when you see a person on the side of the road, hand them a bag.  you're prepared, you know they need the items, and it probably cost you like five bucks.  i plan on doing this tomorrow.  just getting the items, having them ready.  knowing that it's not ok to ignore pain.  

i share that not to say look at what i'm doing but more so, look at how ignorant we can be even in the midst of great suffering.  if you aren't suffering at all, i can guarantee you are throwing down some ignorance right now.  it is only in the midst of pain that we look around to see if others are being shot by the same arrows.  to see if the wounds that are marking us have other targets as well.  

our human experience is so unique and fragile.  your mindset is developed and honed and it is only yours to bear.  we can connect and come together and feel each other's pain and joy, but we must acknowledge that we are the only ones who see with our eyes.  others eyes see differently and that is ok.  


there is so much pain right now.  it seems the whole world is aching, with injustice, with pride, with rebellion.  my heart and mind are in turmoil for the future, for the present.  i do my best to stay in the immediate moment.  if it's not happening right at this second then i strive not to worry about it, your strength for the moments come as you experience them.  but even in the everyday moments i am met with pain, pain for others, pain for myself, pain for my children.

my heart is so very, very heavy tonight for our world.  
and so when there are no words, with my silence, i pray.

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the depth of my pain this year has been, at times, unbearable to the point where i wished for death.

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this year i felt the church's love in a way i have never before felt
this year i was able to take my kids on a disney cruise because of my co-workers at carters and the fundraiser they did for me
this year i was able to move because people came and packed and loaded me and helped with the cost of moving
this year my kids had a play set built for them while they were in another state
this year we imposed on people over and over again with our loud, yelling and crying little family of three
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