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ya'll.  tomorrow is our very very first road trip as a family!  i am so excited to be visiting family out of town and introduce our precious baby to her extended family.  words cannot even describe.  i have been like a kid before christmas this whole week.  there is something about getting together with kin that makes my heart feel so whole.  so hopefully i will have pictures to share!

in other news, we finally broke down and sleep trained.  tuesday night i listened to my baby girl cry for 67 heartbreaking minutes.  it was terrible, we couldn't eat, barely talked, it ruined my whole night.  but you guys... after that she is sleeping through the night and taking her naps on a consistent basis!!!  i am so happy that she is FINALLY getting the rest she needs after months of night wakings/no consistent naps.  i know it's been two days but it was literally like a miracle overnight!  last night we went from 6pm to 6am!!!  i am just happy she is getting the rest she needs for her development.

so peace out till after the weekend.  hopefully you will see more of me on here now that i am not constantly holding a baby!  hallelujah!!!

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treat it.

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that person is selfish
that person is crazy
that person is a coward
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they were depressed for a long time and finally went through with it
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THAT IT WOULDN'T AFFECT ME


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dreams.

to my love,

i hope you know how much i miss you.  the words, of course, fall short.  but there they are, just the same.  i.miss.you.  i told addy that you and elly can live in our hearts forever, but this of course is a lie.  death is permanent and there is no living to be done once the breathe leaves our bodies.  you are not living on in our hearts, minds, or souls.  there is no living to yet be done for you.  instead we are left with our memories which time will eventually dull.  numbing ourselves to the very sense of you.  it is that way for me with my mom, my memories of her are stunted and few and we had eight years together.

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people are trying to instill hope in me in regards to my future.  i know they mean well but it is coming off condescending.  no one but my own being knows my pain.  i am not here…
Dear Cavs,

Our playoff season started the day my five week old daughter, Elly, passed away, twelve days later my husband also died suddenly.
Your road to the finals, so fraught with emotion was also the start of a very difficult, seemingly impossible journey for me.

I started watching at game five... when we were down 3-1, I thought for sure that we would lose that game- when we won, all of a sudden- I cared.  When so many lights had gone out for me there was all of a sudden very small glimmer of hope and dare I say satisfaction possibly ahead.

It would have seemed from the circumstances that I shouldn't care whether we won or lost, so many things in my life didn't hold their meaning anymore- but I did.  I couldn't help it.  The enthusiasm was infectious.  These games gave  me hope.

I watched as you won game five and game six and I'll never forget seeing Kyrie on the bench after six holding up his seven fingers.... Here we go.

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