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thoughts on motherhood

tomorrow we are going to attempt to give a cereal.  we tried last weekend but girlfriend has a meltdown 2 seconds in due to wanting to nap.  (as her parents we are clearly ALWAYS clued in to what she wants... especially since the "tips" specifically stated... do not attempt when fussy)

since she is nursing, in my thoughts and heart this marks one of the first times that i am no longer enough.  i'm still her mom but she has needs that exist outside of what i can fulfill.  it's very bittersweet.  as a female and a mom there is such a transformation that takes place with having a child.  they go from literally not being able to survive outside of you in the womb, to coming out yet still existing almost as an extension of yourself although the umbilical cord is cut.

but that time is short.  and soon they begin to embrace their own autonomy.  existing solely within and off themselves and not as an extension of you.  i pray that although i gave her life, i will always recognize her independence in living it.

so many moms especially, either live through their kids, try to control the kids life, etc.  and i understand the desire to do so.  it's difficult to resist if you look at your child as an extension of yourself.  but they aren't.  even as a baby, my a has her own personality, temperament  dreams, desires.  they might not be fully manifested yet, but they are there, waiting to be nurtured and cared for.  and so my prayer is for autonomy, both within myself and within my child.

yes, my identity is forever changed by being a mom.  but i can't have it be my only identity.  a deserves a mom that sets an example of independence and passion, that shows her how to live this very short gift of life and that offers her the opportunity to be her own person.  

i will be her parent and so i pray i will offer protection with freedom, independence with love, and advice with a very soft heart that listens more than it speaks.


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