Skip to main content

catching up

(1) mastitis: i am pretty sure i had this last week.  picture 2:30 am, me wide awake in a hoodie, sweats, socks, under a heated blanket and comforter crying crying crying because of the physical pain and still being so cold.  this is the sickest i can remember being in my adult life.  it was with me for about 12 hours and then i got over it.  the lactation consultant said people usually don't get over it without antibiotics but i am pretty sure it was mastitis vs the flu since i got over it so quickly and had the flu shot and i have been dealing with plugged ducts recently (tmi?).  yuck yuck yuck.  i feel incredibly lucky because i did not have a rough start to breastfeeding at all but i'll tell you what... this was enough.

(2) ya'll.  confession, having a kid has been tough on my marriage.  after i got married i saw all these surveys/data that basically say "satisfaction in marriage declines after birth of child" - i don't want that to be me and i don't want that to be my marriage.  hubby and i are finding our groove as parents but it takes constant check in's and trying to remember big picture stuff.  last monday, he suggested "screenless monday" (well confession 2, i named it but he came up with the idea) basically we don't turn on the tv, we stay away from our phones/computer screens and just focus on talking to each other.  it was awesome.  it helps set the tone for the rest of the week and helps us connect on the first day that we spend away from each other after the weekend.

(3) it's been what like a year and a half since this cd came out?  i am STILL NOT SICK OF IT.  i LOVE IT SO MUCH and play this video constantly... i freaking LOVE those ballerinas in it.  i used to play this song on my ipod while i would do dishes/chores and j would inevitably make fun of me because i would always be belting it out loud, can'thelpit.


(4) i am attempting aforementioned road trip by myself tomorrow.  i need to see my friend but for reasons unforeseen it wasn't able to happen yesterday.  i am a little nervous but a lot excited.  all of my girlfriends have moved away in the past two years or so and it does a heart good to see them.

(5) nothing gives me as much satisfaction as deep cleaning.  when i was dating j and we would get in a fight i would always end up in his bedroom and then i'd be like "well... there's nothing to do in here... so i would clean his bathroom to relieve the stress.  i deep cleaned my kitchen today (no fight necessary) and girrrrrrrrrrrrl it does a soul good to have clean counter tops and a clean floor.

(6) i know it says it in the title... but the insanity workout is insane.  it goes so fast that i COULD NOT keep up, i mean half the time the trainers can't even keep up.  i might get to the point where it could be an effective work out for me on it's own but right now i think it is just going to be a tagalong to my extra workout as a quick calorie burner at the beginning.

baby is up from her nap... happy monday friends!


Comments

  1. Oh Man! I tried to get into Insanity twice, and I couldn't make it through one workout!! I give MAJOR MAJOR props to anyone who can make it through that system!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

treat it.

to everyone who has never been touched by suicide,

i get it.  i used to be like you too.  here are the most common views of suicide i either heard or personally held growing up:

that person is selfish
that person is crazy
that person is a coward
they wanted to die
they were depressed for a long time and finally went through with it
there are always warning signs, so people know it's coming
that it's preventable
THAT IT WOULDN'T AFFECT ME


there is this social stigma around depression, suicide, etc.  i can't tell you what it is like to not be able to talk openly about my husband's death.  to see people either openly or privately distance themselves from my pain, search for reasons that he did it beyond the fact that he was ill and we didn't catch it in time, connect dots that aren't connected.  all so they can convince themselves that they will never know the pain, and i honestly hope they don't- but it's possible they will.  i know people whose lives…

life we expect over life we're given

one of the undying truths i have discovered through this process is that few of us live the life we imagine.  sure, some do.  but most have speed bumps thrown their way throughout life.  whether it's a divorce or death or financial insecurity, many start over, many rebuild, many take stock throughout their thirties, forties, fifties and think "well this isn't where i thought i would be"



granted... all things considered, mine is more tragic than most.  even outside of these most recent events my life has seen its fill of trying circumstances.  by the age of eight i had seen abuse and death in my family.  not exactly what you would hope for, but certainly it has given me the coping mechanisms i have now.  

as i navigate these next steps, the great unknown, there are many that have opinions and voices into my life.  everyone wants what's best for me and everyone has their own idea of what that is.
people... i don't even know what that is.  but i know what i want…

dating in 2016, also huge LOL at even posting this.

Half of me can’t even believe I am writing this post.  Dating is gruesome, isn’t it?  Like most of life, I suppose.
The weekend that Jim died I was standing there, a wreck, while my phone was blowing up.  Alayne goes “who is texting you so much?”
I respond “oh those are just my tinder matches” 
and I know that not everybody gets the hilarity and all I can say is until you are in the fire, you don’t see the need for a respite from getting burned.
anyways, i was talking to my therapist about dating and i commented “single, widowed mom, sole custody of two kids… it’s a tough sell” and it is.  
i have this story that literally leaves people speechless.  most people when they hear it don’t even really know how to interact with me much less get involved romantically.  and i know eventually it won’t be such a big part of my identity, this widowed, grieving mom, but right now it is and if i want anything to do with the person then it’s like they have to know it.  
again, it’s a tough sell.