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currently


ya'll it's almost spring.  the reason i say almost and not "it's here" is because we currently have snow on the ground.  yes snow, and we had white out conditions yesterday.  of course today it's sunny and beautiful and the snow will probably all melt.... not that i'm complaining.  but it's a good day.

this little beauty cut her first tooth, and you guys... i am going to miss that gummy smile.  i let her know that if she wants to stop growing teeth and just stay gummy i would love her forever anyway.  also the tooth is SHARP, i am talking velociraptor sharp (sp on that dinosaur name??)  also the other day my aunt's asked me if she was teething yet and i said "i have no idea, i thought she was teething at 3 and a half months." seriously, first time parent for the win.  for some reason teething was something i was obsessed with... oooh her nap schedule was off today, she must be teething, oooh she wanted to nurse more often today, teething!  oooh she cried at bedtime... you guessed it teething! 
then the event actually happens and i am blind to it. 





and to celebrate i thought i would do a link up post.  they are fun and i like to document what the haps is currently.  i link up with ot and et and harvesting kale, thanks for sponsoring this!

watching: husband and i have started watching house of cards on netflix.  i really like kevin spacey and i think the show is good.  also it is taking us a long time to get through it because it is drama drama drama/talking talking talking so we can usually only watching one epi at a time.

craving: summer and sunshine.  i thrive in the heat.  100 degree days?  that's cool.  throw it my way.  it's coming though, i can feel it!

looking: halfheartedly for a place to live.  our lease is up somewhat soon (pretty soon) and we have no idea what we are going to do.  denial denial denial!

loving: i am always loving my family so i will also say i am loving the maxi skirt i got from groop dealz soooooooo comfy and i think i look instantly pulled together and it takes me less time to get dressed, win win win!

planning: some trips!  some to see family and some to see friends.  and by planning i mean i think about them, and being away from ohio and wishing they were here.

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dreams.

to my love,

i hope you know how much i miss you.  the words, of course, fall short.  but there they are, just the same.  i.miss.you.  i told addy that you and elly can live in our hearts forever, but this of course is a lie.  death is permanent and there is no living to be done once the breathe leaves our bodies.  you are not living on in our hearts, minds, or souls.  there is no living to yet be done for you.  instead we are left with our memories which time will eventually dull.  numbing ourselves to the very sense of you.  it is that way for me with my mom, my memories of her are stunted and few and we had eight years together.

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Dear Cavs,

Our playoff season started the day my five week old daughter, Elly, passed away, twelve days later my husband also died suddenly.
Your road to the finals, so fraught with emotion was also the start of a very difficult, seemingly impossible journey for me.

I started watching at game five... when we were down 3-1, I thought for sure that we would lose that game- when we won, all of a sudden- I cared.  When so many lights had gone out for me there was all of a sudden very small glimmer of hope and dare I say satisfaction possibly ahead.

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