dear jim,

we tried to do our family pictures today.  lane sucked his thumb the whole time and refused to be put down and addy was throwing a tantrum.  there were lots of family's there doing fall pics and i had to laugh when i saw one dad in his tucked in button down and styled hair just swear under his breath and go "and i'm done" and literally walk away from his two year old.  we all have those moments right?  being done.  it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be, probably because it didn't actually happen.  the photographer was like "well... if you want to come back and do another mini session.... i don't think i got much today"

I wish you were here to talk to.  I miss having my friend here.  It's so difficult babe.  The other night I couldn't sleep and I just thought about how if you were here it wouldn't be that big of a deal because you'd stay up and talk with me.  Remember that one night in our Streetsboro apartment where we were up at 3 in the morning making sandwiches after our fight?  Those times stick out to me.  There was one night in our Aurora house too, after we had fallen asleep on the couch that we stayed up in the family room and talked.  Those times were so special, the two of us, in our quiet house, kids asleep, the outside world felt so far away in those times.  It was more of a cocoon.

I think you'd like Raleigh if you gave it a chance.  It's hard to describe here.  I'm not completely at home yet, but I'm slipping into it a little bit.  Addy is doing well, really well actually.  You'd be so proud of her, Lane is Lane man.  That kid is a stinker, he is hitting me a lot but he also has the absolute sweetest voice when he just babbles to himself.  That's when he's my favorite, I'll be holding him or in the car or something and he'll just be staring off into space talking to himself.  His voice is so sweet.

We miss you and our sissy though.  God I miss you both.  There is still a feeling of life being an eternally long time before I get to see you both again.  I wish you were here, I hope you are happy.  We love you so much,
always and forever,

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