remember that britney spears song "overprotected" no, just me? because yeah i still listen to britney spears.

there is this tendency in all of us, to protect what matters of course.  i do it with my children, my dogs, my friends.  sometimes feeling helpless is worse than taking the pain personally.  usually it is, unless you are in a really extreme example.  God knows i'm going to go ape shit on the first guy that ever tried to mess around with addy.  sometimes i think about the road she is going to walk, with mean girls and bully, unrequited love and heartache... it's so hard to even imagine.  ultimately though, i know that in order for her to be her best i am going to have to release that grip.  that grip of trying to make everything perfect for her and instead just stand there in the paint with her, allow her to get hurt.

truly we can't really protect other people can we?  all we can do is struggle ourselves.  people spend too much time overthinking circumstances- at the end of the day it is what it is.  choose A or B, ultimately it doesn't really matter.  at this point there are two circumstances that could probably break me and none of them are in my control.  people spend so much time trying not to break me, underestimating my strength and looking only at my fragility that remains.  and ultimately too, that is another fallacy- overestimating our own importance.  we do this all the time with work right?  i used to manage all these pump files at my old job and i was not wrapped up when my water suddenly broke over the weekend two weeks early.  i ended up not returning after my maternity leave and you know what?  they survived, they managed all my pump files, shipped all my pumps.

it's this dichotomy again because every human being is unique and not one of us can be replaced, but in the same vein, all of us can be replaced.  miss one there's fifteen more coming 
is there anything i can offer the world that no one else would be able to come up with?  are we really unique or is there a futility in striving to make our stamp on the world?

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